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Camp Week: Crushable’s ‘So You’re Going Camping’ Survival Kit

Posted: 28 Aug 2011 10:15 AM PDT

So you’re going camping, eh? What an excellent idea! Not sure what to bring with you? Well, we can help you out with that. Though be warned: When we say “camping,” we don’t mean camping of the pitch-a-tent-in-the-woods variety. We mean a very special kind of camping. We mean the sort that involves tacky decorations and drag queens. So what are you going to need to survive this camping trip of ours? Read on to find out!

1) Lawn Flamingos
Obviously you’re going to need one of these most useful of creatures. Not only are they decorative, but also, you can use the pointy metal bits as a weapon should the need arise.

Archie McPhee, $19.95

2) How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack
Though the lawn flamingo is known to be friendly, the garden gnome is somewhat less so. In the event of attack, you’ll need to know how to defend yourself and your flamingo against those vicious gnomes. This handy how-to guide will help.

Amazon, $10.19

3) John Waters DVDs
What better way to keep yourself campily entertained than with the cinema of the poster child for camp? May we suggest the pre-Broadway Hairspray, Polyester, and (of course) Pink Flamingos.

Amazon, $6.49, $10.07, and $10.79

4) The Batmobile
Because nothing’s campier than the 1966 Batman television show starring Adam West and Burt Ward.. Besides, you’re going to need a mode of transportation, and it really doesn’t get much better than this.

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Gallery: Celebs vs. the Paparazzi

Posted: 28 Aug 2011 08:50 AM PDT

Not being famous, perhaps I wouldn’t know this, but to my way of thinking, the absolute worst thing about being famous has got to be dealing with the paparazzi. Sure, when you live a public life, photographers are always going to be an issue, but I still feel bad for actors, musicians, artists, etc. who get hounded all the time for no other reason than that they happen to make a living in the entertainment industry. But celebs aren’t always victims; occasionally, they fight back! Sometimes the attacks more warranted than others, but either way, they make for interesting tabloid fodder. Actually, here’s a question for you: If a celeb is busy attacking a photographer snapping pictures of the celebrity’s everyday life, what does that make the photographer who’s snapping pictures of the incident? Food for thought…

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Sunday Cute: Grizzly Bear Eats R2-D2

Posted: 28 Aug 2011 07:15 AM PDT

I’m not really sure how that poor little droid ended up there in the first place, but gee, that grizzly sure does seem to like him. Though it probably would have made the whole Star Wars trilogy go a lot faster if the grizzly ate Vader instead. Or better yet, George Lucas. That’d probably fix things.

Happy Sunday!

[Via The Mary Sue]

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Creepy Things That Seem Real But Aren’t: Camp Week Edition

Posted: 27 Aug 2011 04:47 PM PDT

Creepy Things That Seem Real But Aren't is a series that explores modern urban legends, bringing you a new tale each week.

On the first day of April in 2010, redditor ducttape36 put up a post entitled, "I'm Going Camping This Week in VT… Creepy Details Inside." Now, who could resist a title like that?

The previous summer, one of ducttape's friends bought a house in the backwoods of Vermont. And when I say backwoods, I do mean backwoods—it was miles away from anything remotely resembling a town. It wasn't unusual for the friend to find various forms of wildlife in his yard—deer, moose, coyotes, and so on—and he and his wife would often hear the animals' cries and howls. Occasionally, though, the noises would sound… kind of odd. But ducttape brushed his friend's claims off as just typical woods sounds—until he heard them for himself. One night during a buddy movie night, what ducttape described as "blood-curdling inhuman screams" began emanating from the woods. The next day, the friend called up ducttape and said that there were tracks in his yard. Snow had been kicked up, as if there had been a fight, and a path lead out into the woods behind the house. The friend had strapped his snow shoes on and headed into the woods to investigate—and found blood everywhere. A little further on, he saw a dead deer in the snow. The deer hadn't been eaten; rather, it had been torn apart. But that wasn't all ducttape's friend found: Behind the deer's ravaged corpse, broken pine branches had been stuck in the snow. There was no way they had simply fallen there; they were sticking straight up, having been driven into the snow, and they looked "almost like a shrine or a tombstone made of branches."

Ducttape's buddy wisely got the hell out of there.

The noises didn't stop, though, so once spring came round, ducttape decided to help his friend investigate. In his post, ducttape told the reddit community that he, his friend, and a couple of their other buddies were going to hike the woods behind the house and camp out. Naturally, they would be bringing a camera with them. He asked the other redditors if they had any advice for him. "Have you ever heard of anything like this happening? Is there some crazy backwoods cult or folklore that I haven't heard about?" he asked. No one really did, though, and off he went.

Two days later, he posted report of their trip. The hike was tough; they went through the woods, up the mountains, and off the path, eventually setting up camp by an old campfire pit. Though ducttape says they (happily) never felt like they were in danger, the did find a number of odd things:

  • There were bone fragments around their campsite.
  • They found what they called a "ghost radio station"—a strange signal popped up on an AM frequency that later disappeared. Later, he wondered if he'd stumbled upon a numbers station.
  • Their electronic devices kept malfunctioning—they would say that the batteries were dead and shut off at weird times. In the morning, everything was working fine.
  • They heard what sounded like a kid telling in the woods.
  • They captured the screaming sound that started the whole mystery. It happened twice; the first time it was further away, but the second one was "definitely closer." They managed to catch it briefly on their camera before the camera died.
  • Finally, when they all went to bed, ducttape says he swears he heard voices in the woods, but he was too scared to investigate; furthermore, without a functioning camera, there was no way to document the noises.

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A Comprehensive Guide to Making Award-Winning Action Movies

Posted: 27 Aug 2011 01:20 PM PDT

While we’re on the subject of how to do things in movies, why don’t we take a moment to learn exactly how one makes an action movie? If you’ve ever dreamed of being Michael Bay– or maybe just dreamed of kicking him in the shins– now’s your chance. Let this chart teach you everything you need to know, then get out there and make some movie magic. You tiger.

[Via]

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William and Kate Royal Wedding Dolls Are Terrifying

Posted: 27 Aug 2011 11:45 AM PDT

Okay, so we all remember when the Franklin Mint put out the Kate Middleton Royal Engagement Doll. It’s pretty, if not entirely necessary, and for the low, low price of $195, you can have your very own vinyl Kate, dressed elegantly in that blue dress we’ve all come to know and love.

But then a different company– Arklu Ltd.– came out with ANOTHER Kate Middleton engagement doll, and this one is… not so pretty. Granted, it’s only £34.95 (roughly $57), so perhaps it’s understandable that it would look a little cheaper than the Franklin Mint’s doll; but really? $57 for this?

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a $57 Barbie. But I guess they must be doing okay in terms of sales, because not only are they offering that monstrosity, they’ve actually struck again: They’ve just released William and Kate Royal Wedding Dolls. And they are TERRIFYING. See for yourselves.

OH MY GOD THEY ARE GOING TO EAT YOU. RUN. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Seriously, they’re scary, right? The clothes look a little better on these ones than they did on Arklu’s Kate engagement doll, but I think it’s something about their faces that does it. Wills looks a bit rat-like, and Kate has the wide-eyed look of panicked hysteria. Not how I’d want to be remembered, but whatever. Anyway, you yourself can have this terrifying twosome for your very own, if you’re willing to shell out £99.95 ($165). You can also get Kate– sorry, Princess Catherine– on her own for £49.95 ($82), though apparently, if you want Wills, you’ve got to get both of them. Is this a statement about how William can’t exist without Kate? Maaaaaaybe; but probably not. You can get the full rundown on Kate’s accessories and whatnot at Arklu’s website, but I’d like to take a moment to draw attention to the following detail, which, for reasons that will become apparent, isn’t visible in the picture:

'Something Blue' knickers: The award-winning Gilda & Pearl creates vintage-inspired lingerie to love. The "Something Blue" knickers are a sweet and lovely child-like version and feature the acclaimed British designer's signature ribbons and attention to detail.

That’s right. The Kate doll is wearing blue underwear.

I can’t even.

According to USA Today, Arklu got confirmation from Clarence House that the royal family “would not wish to object to the production of a doll,” which I guess means they approve of it. But I’m still not sure that these dolls are something that really needed to be made. Maybe that’s just me, though. What do you guys think?

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