Cele|bitchy

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• “Katherine Heigl is just a mess, from head to toe” links
• Ashton Kutcher, noted douche, whines about the media in a new video
• Linnocent showed up at the morgue 85 minutes early, shock
• Did Brandi Glanville get a $27K plastic surgery makeover “recently”?

“Katherine Heigl is just a mess, from head to toe” links Posted: 21 Oct 2011 11:02 AM PDT Katherine Heigl is such a mess. LOOK AT HER HAIR. [LaineyGossip] I don't fault Kim Kardashian for talking about cake here. [Gawker] Mother Crackhead's memoir of crack shenanigans will be "positive". [Dlisted] Liz Hurley in pink satin. It's better than you think. [Yeeeah] Hot dudes with their on-screen children. Aw… [Pajiba] Michael Buble and his wife look nice together. [Pop Sugar] Sarah Hyland, I like you but you're getting over-exposed, honey. [Celebuzz] AnnaLynne McCord looks 40 years old. [Moe Jackson] People are dressing as Lisbeth Salander for Halloween? [The Frisky] Or, you know, you could just GOOGLE. [Evil Beet] Sofia Vergara in a bikini! HOT. [The Blemish] Who names their kid "Daethan"?!? [Celebrity Baby Scoop] Ronald Reagan had sex with a 16 year old when he was 41. [CDAN] Ashton Kutcher needs to STFU. [Amy Grindhouse] Kelly Clarkson loves the "good food" side of celebrity. [Celebslam] Happy b-day, Zac Efron. [A Socialite Life] Bradley Cooper replacing Clooney as The Man from U.N.C.L.E.? [The Celebrity Café]

Ashton Kutcher, noted douche, whines about the media in a new video Posted: 21 Oct 2011 10:41 AM PDT This is just a quick post before I head out. Ashton Kutcher posted a video to something called "Chime.In" which is probably some new internet thing that Ashton is heavily invested in and he's now trying to make it "happen" by giving his exclusive, douchey statement on it so that a million new people will "join". Because Ashton is such a maverick! Anyway, no one can figure out to embed the actual video, but here are some highlights from his little douche-soliloquy: He says, in part: “I just wanted to open up a little dialogue on the state of honesty. The state of truth. The status of truth as it pertains to literature and media… Publishers (once) held great scrutiny over what they were willing to print because their reputation was on the line. When the cost structure comes down on printing… the level of honesty of literature starts to plummet… I started thinking about that in relation to media and social media today where the threshold to actually have literature printed and distributed… is zero dollars… thereby there is no gatekeeper of the truth…” “We are our own editors, we are our own publishers and we are our own printers. Therefore, people can b**tardise the truth in any way, shape or form that they want and spread that around the world… A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can leave someone’s lips… “I was thinking that we really have to take it upon ourselves to instil a level of honesty… in the works in the media that we create and share with one another… and be certain that we are doing our own diligence that what we are saying is for the benefit of another.” [From Starpulse] Ashton is such a dumb bitch. Here's the situation: he wants to be able to bitch and moan about all of the "lies" the tabloids spread, but he's not ever going to sue any of the tabloids because all of the stories they're printing are true (or "true enough" to withstand a lawsuit). Personally, I think this is part of his defense, his rationale to Demi Moore. "They're lying about me! The media is so irresponsible! I can't believe they're accurately reporting my actions, and publishing photo evidence and interviews with the all of the 20-something skanks I boned! BAD MEDIA!!!" Here's my message to Ashton: Sue the tabloids OR STFU and GTFO. Photos courtesy of Fame.

Linnocent showed up at the morgue 85 minutes early, shock Posted: 21 Oct 2011 10:03 AM PDT Well, well, well. Guess who showed up at the morgue? The Cracken! Huzzah, bitches. She's so "serious" about her community service that she showed up "early" after tweaking and snorting all g-ddamn night and not sleeping so I'm sure she's extra twitchy and gross this morning. According to People Mag, LL showed up at 5:35 a.m. PST, 85 minutes before her scheduled 7 a.m. start time. WTF did she do for an hour and a half? It's just as rude to show up THAT early as it is showing up late. Assistant Chief Coroner, Ed Winter, who called Linnocent out yesterday (he said that she damn well knew which entrance to use), told the media scrum: “Ms. Lohan completed her orientation this morning and she’s currently working, doing janitorial duties. She’s doing fine. She won’t be handling any dead bodies but she’ll certainly see them." Her duties allegedly consistent of "mopping floors, washing windows and taking out the garbage." Oh, we're never going to hear the end of this, are we? No, no we are not. TMZ already has an anonymously-sourced (Linnocent crack-screeching into her cell phone as she does lines in the ladies' room) piece on what's gone down in just the few first hours: Lindsay Lohan won’t be touching any dead bodies during her stint on morgue duty this morning … but TMZ has learned she’s already come face to face with a real not-live human corpse. Sources tell us … Lindsay is on sheet-washing duty … and she covered her mouth in horror when she first laid eyes on the blood and fluid stained linens. We’re told … during her shift, Lindsay saw a dead body in the morgue and seemed “shocked.” Lohan has just moved on to toilet duty. Sources also tell us Lindsay appears to be in good spirits … is talking to other people in her group … and is maintaining a positive attitude. As we previously reported, Lindsay has been ordered to complete 16 hours in the morgue per week until her next hearing. [From TMZ] Ed Winters also told the LAT that "She is not getting any special treatment. She’s going to be cleaning toilets, mopping floors and emptying the trash bins.” She's also one of 15 to 20 people who perform these duties daily. OH! And she only gets a half an hour for lunch, and she has to bring her lunch with her! Ten bucks says she has her assistant bring her something, right? But my favorite Ed Winters quote is this: "If she doesn’t behave, I’m going to ask her to leave." I love Ed Winters. Ed Winters knows what's up. To honor Ed Winters, I'm including some of my favorite Linnocent photos throughout the years. PINK COAT!!! SCREEEEE!!! Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Did Brandi Glanville get a $27K plastic surgery makeover “recently”? Posted: 21 Oct 2011 07:42 AM PDT CB and I were debating whether or not Brandi Glanville wants it out there in the public sphere that she's been nipped, tucked, tweaked and augmented. CB thinks Brandi's perspective is "anything for publicity" but I'm trying to give her more credit. In Touch Weekly is running a suspicious story about Brandi's "plastic surgery makeover" which they claim happened "recently". But part of the "makeover" allegedly includes her implants, which she's had for a while, right? She had implants when she was with Eddie. LeAnn went to the same boob guy, remember? But In Touch's source goes even further, and says that Brandi got a lot of crap done to "find a man." Really? According to an insider close to Brandi Glanville, Brandi recently splashed out on a $27,000 surgery makeover in a bid to find a man. The source says Brandi has undergone a forehead lift, a nose job, a boob job, filler injections and lip. Plastic surgeon to the stars Dr. Garo Kassabian agrees that she may have gone to extremes to turn back the clock. Dr. Kassabian says: "It's obvious she has had a breast augmentation." Brandi, 38, has admitted as much, but Dr. Kassabian adds, "It seems that she's had a nose job too. And it appears as though she's had some augmentation to her face. Her cheeks look like they've been injected with fillers, such as Restylane or Juvederm." Brandi reportedly hopes that taking off a few years will give her an edge when competing for men with younger LA women. "She's really worries about being single," an insider explains. "It's been two years, and she still can't find a good man! Maybe this will help." [From In Touch Weekly, print edition] I'll buy that Brandi has fillers too - she's had that "filler look" that many LA women have these days. But what has she had done recently? I don't know, because I'm not watching that stupid Real Housewives show. I know some of you love it, but watching those Beverly Hills bitches makes me want to shoot myself in the face. As for Brandi "finding a man" - hasn't she found plenty of dudes to bone? She even allegedly got into Gerard Butler's pants. But maybe she hasn't found a GOOD man. By the way, apparently Brandi thinks Winston Churchill was a "famous black leader". Discuss. Photos courtesy of WENN.

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