Crushable

Crushable


What Do You Think Of Sinead O’Connor’s New Chest Tattoo?

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 10:42 AM PDT

Just two months after publishing an extensive screed about her intense need for a backdoor buddy to tackle her “difficult brown” (among other things), singer Sinead O’Connor  has repented like only an ambivalent lapsed Catholic could: by getting a tattoo of Jesus Christ himself, right above her dirty pillows.

The design appears to be chosen off that wall of flash that adorns every tattoo shop in the Western world, so you know Jesus must really be special to her. This is only the most recent manifestation of O’Connor’s weird relationship with the Catholic church; since that infamous SNL performance, she has become ordained by an independent bishop (despite the fact that the Catholic church bars women from being ministers), as well as performing at numerous churches throughout the UK. The real question we should be asking is not why she got a cartoon Jesus tattoo, but why it took her so long to do so.

(Via The Superficial)

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The 9 Best Time Puns From In Time

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 09:50 AM PDT

Let me be clear: I really liked In Time. Andrew Niccol‘s futuristic thriller may have lacked some of the poetry of Gattaca, but it was an exciting concept and really solid performances from Justin Timberlake and Cillian Murphy. And honestly, Niccol — who wrote, directed, and produced — seemed to have more fun than he did with the solemn dystopia of Gattaca.

To be fair, In Time‘s plot is a lot more intense than Gattaca‘s: In the future, you stop aging at 25. From then on, you’re given one year; it’s up to you to get more time, which is the new currency. Class warfare ensures that the rich have the means to gain as much time/money as they need, while the poor work and die in the ghettos. But that doesn’t mean this action movie has to be all seriousness.

Aside from riddling the plot with sex jokes, Niccol also fully embraced the time puns. If you thought the trailer was bad, then just wait until you sit down for the film. With deliveries ranging from deadpan to a knowing smirk, the actors throw out exposition, come-ons, and threats all laced with double entendres. I was furiously scribbling notes every few minutes during the screening—and this is only a small collection.

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Former Real World Cast Member Is Suing MTV Over Alleged Sexual Assault

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 10:45 AM PDT

Former The Real World cast member Tonya Cooley is suing MTV over their inability to protect her from sexual assault during the filming of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins. According to TMZ, Cooley is claiming that several male cast members violated her with a toothbrush while she was passed out, and the producers of the show knew, as it was on camera, but did nothing, even after Cooley reported it to them:

Cooley says producers not only knew about the rape, they even replaced the toothbrush, but never told her what happened.

They replaced the toothbrush?! That somehow pushes it over the top into pure evil territory. Like, sexual assault is totes cool, but God forbid any inanimate object in the house doesn’t sparkle.

The suit also claims that female cast members had their bathing suits taken away and male castmates were encouraged to touch them inappropriately. What in the fucking fuck.

This suit is ironic in light of the fact that Cooley was ultimately kicked off the show for slapping another cast member. Apparently, in the eyes of MTV, rape is okay, but slapping someone in the face (maybe because they raped you?) makes you an utter menace to society. (Allegedly.)

Sadly, I don’t know if Cooley’s suit will get very far, because you basically sign away your right not to be killed when you go on one of MTV’s reality shows. Then again, maybe it’s time for a judge to make a landmark decision that a TV show cannot legally take your basic rights away, no matter how much money or how many lawyers it has working for it.

(Via TMZ)

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Crushable Presents: A Printable Gwyneth Paltrow From Contagion Halloween Mask

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 09:12 AM PDT

Okay, so you’re an adult and you’re trying to come up with a Halloween costume for Saturday’s party. You’ve already thrown out the “sexy something” direction, because, dignity, so now you’re left with two options: you could go spooky or you could go topical. But Crushable’s here to say, why choose?

Why choose between terrifying and culturally relevant when you can have both with this disease-ridden Gwyneth Paltrow from Contagion mask? How better to toe the line between the dead and the living? Mark my words, this is going to be the costume of the year.

Want a way to be an even spookier zombie Gwyneth? When the kids ring your doorbell Halloween night, fill their bags with kale.

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This Fake Shark Pool Trailer Is Funnier Than Most Recent Real Comedies

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 08:41 AM PDT

I feel like the best parodies throw out a dramatic, high-concept idea, then ground it with deadpan performances. Think of all those South Park episodes that throw out conspiracy theories, only for one of the kids to respond with skepticism. There’s a similar style going on in Shark Pool, a fake trailer about a bunch of people whose innocent house party is ruined by an uninvited guest. That’s right: There’s a shark in the pool.

How will they survive?

Despite what I said about deadpan humor — and the random guy’s constant “You can just not go in the pool” — I also want to make “beer, bitches, babes, and pool” the new Gym Tan Laundry.

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5 Facts About Project Runway Winner Anya Ayoung-Chee

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 09:30 AM PDT

Project Runway crowned its ninth winner last night, and it’s the elegant and cool Anya Ayoung-Chee. Anya was consistently in the top all season despite struggling with construction issues from time to time, and her keen sense of style pulled her through to the end. Here are five facts about this designer:

1. Anya is Trinidadian but of Chinese heritage. She was born in New York City and moved to Trinidad when she was two years old.

2. Anya’s 30 years old. She grew up the only daughter in a family of eight — yikes.

3. She’s a beauty pageant winner! Anya won Miss Trinidad and Tabago in 2008 and was a contestant in that year’s Miss Universe pageant. She’s also a classically trained ballet dancer.

4. Anya only learned to sew a few months before Project Runway began. She studied graphic and interior design at schools in New York and London before decided to pursue a career in fashion.

5. Anya decision to enter both the beauty pageants and do Project Runway because she was searching for strong female roles. She explains:

“We had just finished the panel with several very strong women and it struck me that they were all very modern women and that in the Caribbean, this is not to make a huge generalization, but generally there are very few female roles that are powerful and stand out in the public eye … The prime minister of Trinidad and Tobago is a woman, but she’s the first who ever has been in office. My point was that I was searching for a way … to have a voice and also still be me. So I did Miss Trinidad and Tobago and Miss Universe as my sort of grasping for that and that didn’t really work out so well. I didn’t enjoy being objectified in that way. But then Project Runway has given me, in a strange way, a role. I’ve become somewhat of a role model in my own community and it’s been amazing.”

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Cutegreggator: Cats Inside Pumpkins

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 07:13 AM PDT

Hey, so I finally figured out the point of Halloween! It isn’t about spooky goblins or getting dressed up or eating candy, it’s about adorable little kittens inside of pumpkins. Someone go update the Wikipedia page, pronto.

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Reese Witherspoon Might Take A Chance With Her Next Movie And Do The Comedy Sex Tape

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 06:44 AM PDT

Though Reese Witherspoon‘s sort of become the princess of romantic comedies, many of her movies are dull or underappreciated. (Even Water for Elephants just came and went.) But the actress might be taking a chance on her next project: Empire reports that she was offered Sex Tape, sort of a raunchier version of Date Night (but minus the thugs and action sequences).

Sex Tape is about a married couple who gets the night off from their kids and try to spice things up by making a sex tape. But when they wake up the next morning, the footage is gone. Cue hectic chase scenes and awkward excuses to friends as to why they’re frantically searching for a DVD.

Now, Reese hasn’t officially agreed to the movie yet; it’s just been offered to her. And she’s not the only one that Sony is considering; they also have Rose Byrne, Emily Blunt, Amy Adams, and Jennifer Garner in mind. But it would be really fun to see Reese letting loose. It sounds like it’d bring back the old Reese that we fell for: The one who played peppy and determined in Legally Blonde, a bit stuck-up but relatable in Sweet Home Alabama, and of course steamy from Cruel Intentions.

The other actors that Sony is courting are Jason Segel and Nick Stoller, who wrote and produced the upcoming Muppets movie. It’s unclear if Sony wants the team in a producer capacity with Jason also playing Reese’s husband, or if they want them to punch up the script by Kate Angelo. Because despite the unconventionality of it, she did also write Jennifer Lopez‘s failed rom-com The Back-Up Plan.

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Crush Links: Tiger Woods’ Mistress Prego

Posted: 28 Oct 2011 06:26 AM PDT

Tiger Woods’ ex-mistress is pregnant. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Check out X Factor’s top twelve contestants. (Hollywood Hiccups)

Justin Bieber’s balls have officially dropped. (Have U Heard)

• A very pregnant Jennifer Garner out with her husband. (Lainey Gossip)

Michael Jackson had been addicted to Demerol. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Snooki interviewed by Beavus and Butthead. (Have U Heard)

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