Cele|bitchy

Christina Aguilera subdued the clown makeup, lost weight, and looks great
Rihanna on the 2009 assault: “That was my liberation, my moment of bring it.”
Samantha Brick’s essay, “There are downsides to looking this pretty,” goes viral
Can everyone stop calling nine-months pregnant Jessica Simpson “fat”? Please?
Tori Spelling is already in her 2nd trimester, got pregnant 6 weeks after giving birth
Wilmer & Minka Kelly go public, he ‘takes advantage of vulnerable women’
Rihanna on the Chris Brown situation: “I’m still going to do what I want to do”
The Kardashian-Jenner ladies put out a “Lady Marmalade” video: busted or cute?
Duchess Kate is not knocked up nor will she be any time soon, royal sources say
Has Ashley Olsen gone from from Johnny Depp to Jared Leto?

Christina Aguilera subdued the clown makeup, lost weight, and looks great

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 09:57 AM PDT

I've been harshly judging Christina Aguilera for months now. Maybe it's even been a year? At some point, Christina stopped with the pretenses and she just became a complete and total wreck. It's not even about her weight, although she is the poster girl for what nonstop alcohol consumption does to your body. Christina's whole vibe changed. Suddenly she was pap'ing herself pantsless and getting into liquor-soaked catastrophes with her boy-toy, Matt Rutler. Her clown makeup got more and more extreme. She started wearing one pair of leggings for every occasion. She made Etta James's funeral all about her and her weird sweat/period dribble. She also claimed (repeatedly) that she was very happy with the way she looked, which… I claimed was BS. I thought that whenever Christina lost some weight, all of a sudden we would hear about how happy she was with her weight loss, etc.

So these are some new photos of Christina and her boy Matthew Rutler, last night in LA. Do they both look sh-tfaced? Sure. But Christina is looking SO MUCH better, right? She's lost a little weight, she bought a new dress that fits (sort of), she decided to wear some "foundation garments" (Spanx), and her hair and makeup is notably improved. Of course, her boobs are still kind of out of control, but isn't it nice to see them harnessed in and supported? Is this the start of a whole new Christina? I will be very happy if her days as a hot mess are over.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

Rihanna on the 2009 assault: “That was my liberation, my moment of bring it.”

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 09:32 AM PDT

Here are more excerpts from Rihanna's Elle cover story – and Elle has released the photo shoot too, which is… okay. I'm pretty tired of Rihanna being photographed in her underwear, but there are some shots where she's fully clothed, so that's always nice – you can see Elle's slideshow here, and here you can read the earlier excerpts that I covered today. When Us Weekly covered this, they began the story by noting that Rihanna and Chris Brown "have been secretly hooking up for over a year, multiple sources have confirmed to Us Weekly." Here's more of Rihanna's interview:

Rihanna on the fan reaction: “I respect what other people have to say. The bottom line is that everyone thinks differently,” cover girl Rihanna tells ELLE of the furious reactions from fans and critics about reconnecting with Brown, 22, despite their brutal past. “It’s very hard for me to accept, but I get it,” she says of the criticism. “People end up wasting their time on the blogs or whatever, ranting away, and that’s all right. I don’t hate them for it.”

She's not going to apologize. “Because tomorrow I’m still going to be the same person,” she says. “I’m still going to do what I want to do.”

The 2009 assault: “It gave me guns,” she says of the trauma. “I was like, well, f***. They know more about me than I want them to know. It’s embarrassing. But that was my opening. That was my liberation, my moment of bring it. I wanted people to know who I am. Whatever they take that to be, good or bad, I just want them to know the truth.”

She's lost her privacy but gained freedom: “I have more freedom the more people know about me,” she reasons. “It’s like, one less skeleton in the closet, one less burden, one less secret; now you know that, so you can say what you want about it. I don’t have anything to hide.”

Channeling her pain while recording Rated R: “I was going through the hardest time of my life. I was angry, sad, confused, torn. I was still in love,” she admitted of the dark record. “And I needed to talk about it. That was the only way I could get peace, because it was in my head, and I couldn’t leave it there.”

On having kids: "It could be tomorrow. It could be 20 years from now. I just feel like when the time is right, God will send me a little angel. But first, of course, I have to find a man. I mean, there's a very important missing piece to the puzzle here!”

On finding that man: "I feel like it's hard for everybody! I don't think it has anything to do with being famous. There's just a major drought out there. […] But I just need to find the person who balances me out, because then things like my schedule won't matter. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again."

[From Us Weekly, Elle Magazine]

I'm having problems deciphering the meaning behind the quotes about the 2009 beating in retrospect. "It gave me guns… I was like, well, f***. They know more about me than I want them to know. It’s embarrassing." I understand that part – the humiliation, the fact that everyone got up in her business, the fact that Chris's defenders came out of the woodwork and everyone was walking on eggshells – that I understand. What I don't get is, "But that was my opening. That was my liberation, my moment of bring it. I wanted people to know who I am. Whatever they take that to be, good or bad, I just want them to know the truth." What truth? What opening? It would be different if Rihanna was speaking as an advocate for battered women, but as she just made clear, she's still involved and intertwined with her abuser. Where's the liberation in that?

In other Rihanna news, OK! Magazine claims that Ashton Kutcher has called off his fling with Rihanna because he doesn't "trust" her. A source claims, "When Rihanna arrived at his house she didn't tell him she'd been photographed by paparazzi. He was very specific that she check to make sure she wasn't being followed, and the way he sees it, she either screwed up or — even worse — tipped the photographers off herself. She went off on him and told him she suspected him of calling the press. The way she sees it, he has more to gain from the fling than she does." Yeah… I believe all of that, actually. Ashton is the douche who gets pissy about one of his "girlfriends" getting photographed, and Rihanna is the girl who is all, "WTF? I am the one who is slumming, dude."

Photos courtesy of Elle.

Samantha Brick’s essay, “There are downsides to looking this pretty,” goes viral

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 09:31 AM PDT

Yesterday, I emailed this story to CB with the line, "This is my LMAO of the day." CB replied that she had just been reading and laughing about it too, and that this woman, Samantha Brick, is so delusional and crazy that her warped mind is like a work of art (I'm paraphrasing). As it turns out, thousands of people had the same reaction we had – they read several paragraphs of Brick's Daily Mail essay, laughed their asses off, and immediately sent it to someone else so they could have a good chuckle. It's become one of The Mail's most popular and most read stories ever, and it's sparked international reactions ranging from "WTF?" to "O RLY?" to "LMAO" to "Srsly?" to "Don't yell at the poor idiot, it's not her fault." And of course, there's a backlash against the backlash, with some feminists taking up Samantha Brick's cause.

So why all the fuss? As Samantha Brick explains in her lengthy, long-winded, delusional, self-pitying essay, she's just too unbelievably gorgeous and sexy to function in normal society. She's like the Helen of Troy of the digital age. She cannot walk down the street without receiving dozens of marriage proposals and she cannot speak to a woman without being the recipient of that woman's unadulterated jealousy and rage. All because Samantha Brick is just so amazingly beautiful. You can read the full essay here, and here are some highlights:

Samantha has always gotten gifts for her beauty: "Throughout my adult life, I've regularly had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I don't know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was standing behind him in the queue, while there was another occasion when a charming gentleman paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris. Another time, as I was walking through London's Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful bunch of flowers. Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill. And whenever I've asked what I've done to deserve such treatment, the donors of these gifts have always said the same thing: my pleasing appearance and pretty smile made their day."

How she describes herself: "While I'm no Elle Macpherson, I'm tall, slim, blonde and, so I'm often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty — the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks. If you're a woman reading this, I'd hazard that you've already formed your own opinion about me — and it won't be very flattering. For while many doors have been opened (literally) as a result of my looks, just as many have been metaphorically slammed in my face — and usually by my own sex."

She doesn't ask for it: "I'm not smug and I'm no flirt, yet over the years I've been dropped by countless friends who felt threatened if I was merely in the presence of their other halves. If their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room. And it is not just jealous wives who have frozen me out of their lives. Insecure female bosses have also barred me from promotions at work. And most poignantly of all, not one girlfriend has ever asked me to be her bridesmaid."

She knows she's always the prettiest girl in the room: "You'd think we women would applaud each other for taking pride in our appearances. I work at mine — I don't drink or smoke, I work out, even when I don't feel like it, and very rarely succumb to chocolate. Unfortunately women find nothing more annoying than someone else being the most attractive girl in a room."

An example: "Take last week, out walking the dogs a neighbour passed by in her car. I waved — she blatantly blanked me. Yet this is someone whose sons have stayed at my house, and who has been welcomed into my home on countless occasions. I approached a mutual friend and discreetly enquired if I'd made a faux pas. It seems the only crime I've committed is not leaving the house with a bag over my head.She doesn't like me, I discovered, because she views me as a threat. The friend pointed out she is shorter, heavier and older than me. And, according to our mutual friend, she is adamant that something could happen between her husband and me, 'were the right circumstances in place'. Yet I'm happily married, and have been for the past four years."

A female boss told her to cover up: "One contract I accepted was blighted by a jealous female boss. It was the height of summer and I'd opted to wear knee length, cap-sleeved dresses. They were modest, yet pretty; more Kate Middleton than Katie Price. But my boss pulled me into her office and informed me my dress style was distracting her male employees. I didn't dare point out that there were other women in the office wearing similar attire. Rather than argue, I worked out the rest of my contract wearing baggy, sombre-coloured trouser suits. It was clear that when you have a female boss, it's best to let them shine, but when you have a male boss, it's a different game: I have written in the Mail on how I have flirted to get ahead at work, something I'm sure many women do.

She's ageist too: "I find that older women are the most hostile to beautiful women — perhaps because they feel their own bloom fading."

[From The Mail]

There are about a dozen more examples of how women completely hate Brick and how no one is ever nice to her and how she's basically the Mahatma Ghandi of being beautiful. It's like it never even occurred to her that maybe her personality is what rubs women the wrong way? Because I've known women like Samantha Brick – haven't we all? Samantha Brick is the woman who says things like, "Maybe you're not promoting me because you've gained weight and you're losing your bloom, and you're just jealous of me because I'm so lovely." The bitchy criticism wrapped in self-pitying humble-brag. So… whatever. If you want to make this into a feminist issue, go ahead. I think Brick's essay and Brick's critics are fighting a losing battle. Debating this nonsensical crap does us more harm than good.

UPDATE: Brick has written a new piece this morning. She compares herself to Angelina Jolie. FOR REAL. You can read more of her delusions here.

Photos courtesy of The Mail.

Can everyone stop calling nine-months pregnant Jessica Simpson “fat”? Please?

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 09:30 AM PDT

Last week, Us Weekly had an online story about Jessica Simpson announcing to random strangers that she had "one more month to go!" Putting her due date at late April! This came after months of speculation that poor Jessica was due in early March, then late March, then early April. I don't know if this "due date as a moving target" strategy was something cooked up by Jessica's publicity team, or if Jessica was simply too embarrassed to admit that she's looked nine months pregnant for about five months now. In any case, Jessica isn't going into labor any time soon. Jess's sister, Ashlee, was in Australia for several days last week, and when Ashlee was asked about Jessica's due date, Ashlee said she wasn't worried: "I have plenty of time. And I’m going home [Thursday] so it will be fine.” Good God. Soon Jessica is going to say that she's actually due in May, right?

Anyway, Jessica's pregnant body is now a big subject of debate on the talk shows. Which… I think is kind of rude. Granted, I talk about how giant Jessica is, but I say it with love and sympathy, because I can't imagine being that uncomfortable. Various commenters disagree, as does Joy Behar on The View:

That bump! Those outfits! Jessica Simpson’s super-pregnant body has everyone talking — on both ends of the political spectrum.

Chatting with her co-hosts on The View Tuesday, Joy Behar fretted that the 31-year-old star, expecting her first child imminently with fiance Eric Johnson, has packed on too many pounds, calling the mom-to-be “fat.”

“Remember the time that Jessica Simpson was criticized because she didn’t know the difference between chicken and tuna? That kind of thing is more fun to criticize than the fact that the girl is fat,” Behar, 69, opined. “Most women who are pregnant are not supposed to gain more than 25 pounds. She looks like she gained a lot more than that.”

Behar’s View cohort Whoopi Goldberg was more sympathetic, admitting that she gained 90 pounds when she was pregnant with her own daughter. “I lost some of it. But some of it I didn’t lose. You do what you have to do.”

Former Alaska governor and 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, meanwhile, had a totally different take.

“I would have wanted to punch [Jessica's critics] in the neck,” mother of four Palin, 48, told Matt Lauer on TODAY Tuesday morning. “It’s none of anybody else’s business how much weight I would gain.”

“This isn’t even an issue,” she added, “Hollywood . . is full of itty-bitty people, people [who are] unrealistically tiny.”

Lauer argued the attention paid to Fashion Star mentor Simpson’s current size is simply “about contrast” to Simpson’s former, super-svelte days wearing tiny Daisy Dukes and cowboy boots in 2005′s Dukes of Hazzard.

“That was a different chapter of her life,” Palin said. “I bet you she was exercising five or six hours a day back in those Daisy Duke days.”

But Simpson reportedly already has a plan to fit back into those Daisy Dukes after her daughter is born this month: She reportedly signed a multi-million dollar deal with Weight Watchers to shed her baby weight.

For now, however, the star is reveling in her larger shape. “I’m like 170 pounds and I wanted to pose nude,” said Simpson star shortly after her nude ELLE cover was revealed. “I try to be like 110 pounds. It’s funny to be at your heaviest and feel the most confident. I just take such pride in being a mom! I just love my body more than ever now.”

[From Us Weekly]

Did anyone else just have their mind blown by agreeing with Sarah Palin? That just happened to me. I found myself saying, "Wow, Palin makes a great point. Jessica's body, Jessica's choice, Jessica's business." If only there was some way to extend Palin’s argument to other women's issues…?

Oh and JESUS CHRIST CAN WE NOT CALL PREGNANT WOMEN "FAT"?!?!?!?! Thank you. Enough. We shouldn't call anyone fat (not even if they're a Kardashian, HELLO), but that word should just be banned for pregnant women.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News and Jessica's Twitter.

Tori Spelling is already in her 2nd trimester, got pregnant 6 weeks after giving birth

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 08:58 AM PDT

These are photos of Tori Spelling outside of the Today Show this morning, where she seems to be showing off her baby bump. Less than two weeks ago, Tori Spelling announced her fourth pregnancy. She just gave birth to daughter Hattie back on October 10, 2011, five months ago. I assumed that Tori was announcing her pregnancy a little bit early, but NO. As it turns out, Tori is already into her second trimester. As Tori explains in a new interview with Access Hollywood, she got pregnant when Hattie was only a month and a half old. *counts on fingers*

Tori says that she was being hospitalized for a migraine and while in the hospital, the nurses made her take a pregnancy test just out of standard caution: “I had chronic migraines and I was in the emergency room getting treated for one of my migraines and when I got there they said, ‘Before we can treat you, you have to do the pee in the cup.’ And I said, ‘Oh, don’t worry I’m not pregnant. I just had a baby a month ago.’ And they (said), ‘Sorry, it’s policy at the hospital.’ So I did it, and they came back and said, ‘You’re pregnant!’ And I said, ‘That can’t be!’” When Tori and Dean learned that they were expecting again, Tori says, "Dean and I kind of sat there in shock for a while and then we said, ‘Well, we wanted four!’ This is when our miracle wanted to come… so we’ll take it.”

You know what I keep thinking about? The huge, hideous DENT in Tori's breast. Some claim it has to do with a "drift" in her implant or something. I just keep thinking about Tori's sketchy bolt-ons, the dent, breastfeeding and all of these pregnancies. I know, I know. Totally gross. But I'm fixated on it.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Wilmer & Minka Kelly go public, he ‘takes advantage of vulnerable women’

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 07:15 AM PDT

The last time we covered news of Wilmer Valderramma and Minka Kelly’s new relationship, “sources” close to Minka were denying a romance and claiming they were just friends. Minka and Wilmer were in Sydney at the time, having arrived with a group of friends, but fooling no one. I theorized that Minka might be embarrassed to be getting with Fez/Handy Manny, and for good reason.

Now Wilmer and Minka have done a loved-up beach photo op (photos are here), putting to rest any doubt that Wilmer was just a shame f’k for Minka. Somehow this guy convinced her not only to sleep with him, but to do a public walk of shame. Oh Minka, you could do so so much better girl.

TMZ TV did a whole segment (below) on how Wilmer is now a dating hall of famer, like Minka’s ex, baseball great Derek Jeter. They asked “how does Wilmer Valderrama get such hot chicks?”

Wilmer has dated Lindsay Lohan, Ashlee Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Many Moore, Demi Lovato and now Minka Kelly.

TMZ staffers tried to figure out how Wilmer scored Minka. They theorized that he’s earned a lot of money from Handy Manny, that he’s good looking (not to me), and that “he’s a swooper, he gets them at the right time.” Bingo. Their narrator compared him to “a bad relationship ambulance chaser… who takes advantage of vulnerable women.” That’s true, the last woman Wilmer is known to have dated was then 18 year-old Demi Lovato, fresh out of rehab.

Also, doesn’t Minka Kelly look different without makeup? Pretty, but different.

Here are photos of Minka on 3-31 (with Ashlee Simpson) at a club opening in Sydney. Wilmer is shown at the same event. I never knew that Wilmer and Ashlee used to date.

Photo credit: BOZFF/FameFlynet Pictures

Rihanna on the Chris Brown situation: “I’m still going to do what I want to do”

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 05:50 AM PDT

Rihanna is the cover girl for the May issue of Elle Magazine. Elle hasn't released their cover yet, but we know Rihanna is on it because she tweeted about it (she went blonde for the cover shoot) and because Elle is already releasing parts of their cover story. It seems like whoever interviewed Rihanna for Elle went full-speed into the Chris Brown stuff, like Rihanna and Chris's work together on joint singles, and how there are still reports about Chris and Rihanna hooking up. I don't know if Elle asked her about all of the stuff with Karrueche Tran, though. Anyway, Page Six has some excerpts, as well as some insider-y information about Rihanna going to war with her management over the Chris Brown situation:

Rihanna is on a rebellious streak and has warned her management team she won't be kept apart from ex Chris Brown or be held back by their rules.

Management firm Roc Nation, owned by Jay-Z, advised the pop superstar to stay far from Brown, but sources tell us she's defied their orders, after putting Brown's voice on her suggestive song "Birthday Cake," then tweeting about Brown and his girlfriend Karrueche Tran.

"Her management banned her from reuniting with Chris, but she said she'll do whatever the hell she wants to," said a source, adding, "Rihanna is rebelling. She says they have been working her too hard and she wants some time to herself. They fear she'll secretly record an album with Brown, just to defy them."

But another source said: "Rihanna never takes time off. She's got tons of work lined up, including movie projects."

In Elle's May cover story, Rihanna says of any backlash over a re-association with Brown: "People end up wasting their time on the blogs ranting away, and that's all right… Because tomorrow I'm still going to be the same person. I'm still going to do what I want to do."

She says following the fallout from Brown assaulting her, she was given an opportunity to express herself more openly: "That was my opening . . . one less skeleton in the closet, one less burden, one less secret; now you know that, so you can say what you want . . . I don't have anything to hide."

Rihanna also talks about the thrill of risk-taking, which she did by swimming with sharks (literally) in Hawaii for her film debut "Battleship." "When you know you like a guy, or when you've been in love . . . That's the same feeling you have swimming with sharks," she tells Elle. "That's the same feeling you have when doing anything daring, risky, spontaneous, or unpredictable. I think having those butterflies is the closest thing to being in love . . . And when you play it safe, you don't feel anything at all."

[From Page Six]

The "swimming with sharks" works as a metaphor for the Chris Brown situation. Those bastards can circle for a long time, waiting you out, tiring you out and then BAM. They attack and you're left bloodied and maimed, if not dead. And that's not love. That's getting off on the adrenaline rush of danger and drama. Some women are like that – they can't sustain a relationship based on mutual respect, admiration, attraction and nonviolence. They need the drama. In that way, I think Chris Brown feeds something in Rihanna, something she doesn't get from dudes who treat her with respect.

I'm also including some photos from Rihanna's Twitter feed. She's been promoting Battleship overseas – the Tokyo premiere was yesterday, and you can see some photos here.

Photos courtesy of Rihanna's Twitter feed, WENN.

The Kardashian-Jenner ladies put out a “Lady Marmalade” video: busted or cute?

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 04:23 AM PDT

Kim Kardashian just won't stop tweeting photos of herself. And now she's able to duplicate herself! Noooooo!

Anyway, the Kardashian women put out a funky music video. And I mean "funky" in the "OMG, this is so weird and gross" way. Kris Jenner, Khloe, Kim, Kourtney Kardashian and one of the young Jenner girls taped themselves lip-syncing to the Moulin Rouge-updated version of "Lady Marmalade". Judging from the costumes, I'm saying this thing was filmed while the Kardashian-Jenners were doing their Christmas card last year – the one where everyone looked like a goth zombie. Here's the music video:

Initial thoughts: Kris Jener sucks at lip-syncing. Kim is probably the best at it. And Kim noted that Kylie Jenner "directed" the video… which is kind of gross considering Kylie chose some angles for Kim which reminded me of Kim's sex tape with Ray J (the bed!!).

In other Kardashian news, Us Weekly managed to publish another super-sympathetic pro-Kim story. Shocking!

Six months after confirming the end of their marriage, Kris Humphries is still out to get Kim Kardashian. As the couple’s divorce takes far more than twice as long as their 72-day marriage, insiders tell the new issue of Us Weekly New Jersey Nets player Humphries has a master plan to destroy his reality star ex.

Though the 27-year-old NBA star initially tried to stall the divorce by filing for an annulment based on fraud, Humphries has since changed his tune, doing whatever he can to keep his name in the headlines. “He’s doing anything he can to get her attention,” a Kardashian confidant tells the new issue of Us Weekly. “She would grant a divorce in a second. But he won’t sign the papers. He won’t let go.”

Among Humphries’ tactics to get his ex’s attention: making bizarre legal demands that threaten to expose the Kardashian family, like reportedly requesting in February that the divorce proceedings be televised.

Despite his actions, a Humphries source insists the basketball player is a good guy. “Kris is not a conniving person; he just wants to clear his name because it was tarnished,” says the source.

But a Kardashian insider disagrees, telling Us that back-and-forth-fighting plays into his plan. “Kris wants money and he wants fame.”

After what she went through with Humphries, “Kim doesn’t care if she never sees another camera again,” says a source of the 31-year-old mogul, who recently launched her True Reflection perfume. “She is just a totally different person.”

Argues Kardashian herself: “I have no regrets, as crazy as that might sound. What you do with these experiences makes you a better, stronger person.”

[From Us Weekly]

Considering everyone freaked the f–k out the last time I covered something about The Neverending Divorce, I'm not sure what to say here. I think I've made it clear that I think Kim is a pretty useless person, a liar, a narcissist, and a cat-faced famewhore. But I can think that about Kim and still dislike Kris Humphries, because he IS a petty oaf who is dragging this divorce out. Does he want to get paid? Does he want to "take down" the Kardashians? Or is he just an immature douche and a famewhore as well? Whatever.

Photos courtesy of Kim's Twitter, Fame/Flynet.

Duchess Kate is not knocked up nor will she be any time soon, royal sources say

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 04:21 AM PDT

Last week, one of the American tabloids claimed that Duchess Kate was not currently pregnant, and that she had been pregnant last fall but it "didn't take." Which… I still don't buy. After months of speculation immediately following last year's royal wedding, I've come to the conclusion that William and Kate simply aren't trying for a baby right now. My guess is that Kate is still on birth control pills, and that she and William probably won't "try" until much later this year, maybe even next year. But that isn't stopping tabloids in the UK and America (and elsewhere) from speculating about Kate's womb. So Us Weekly spoke to a "royal insider" who has all the dirt:

Prince William and Kate Middleton will soon mark their first wedding anniversary April 29, but they’re not planning to celebrate by announcing any baby news.

As pregnancy rumors run rampant, an insider close to the couple confirms to Us Weekly that Middleton, 30, is not expecting a royal bundle of joy.

“Kate is not pregnant or about to make a pregnancy announcement,” the insider explained of Middleton, who also sparked pregnancy rumors in November when she refused peanut paste during a visit to Denmark. (Although Kate is not allergic to peanuts, pregnant women are often advised to avoid peanut products to prevent allergies in their babies-to-be.)

Though there isn’t any baby news to speak of just yet, the royal couple does have something to celebrate.

On March 21, the Duke of Cambridge, 29, returned to Great Britain after a six-week deployment off the coast of Argentina in the Falkland Islands. It was the longest he and his wife had been apart since their wedding last spring.

Shortly after William reunited with his bride, the duo headed off with her parents, Carole and Michael, and her siblings, Pippa and James, for a ski trip at the Three Valley’s resort in France.

Says an eyewitness of the group, who opted to share the same chalet: “They looked very happy together.”

[From Us Weekly]

I still haven't heard anything about Kate and William returning to England, so I'm guessing that their "holiday" with the Middletons has become a full TWO WEEK vacation. This is after their extensive Christmas, New Year's and pre-Falklands vacation too. But as royal propagandists would have us believe, it's all because Kate has been working her fingers to the bone with public appearances and William wants her to have several months of "down time" now that he's back. Is anyone else starting to wonder how overwhelmed Kate is going to feel when she actually becomes a mother? Poor cabbage will have to hire about 10 nannies and assistants to deal with the stress.

UPDATE: Ah, now I understand. People Mag put Kate’s womb on their cover this week:

Their friends are having kids. They’re getting ready to start making family-friendly renovations to their home at Kensington Palace. And their first anniversary is fast approaching on April 29.

Yes, say royal insiders, Prince William and the Kate have babies on the brain.

From their decision to quietly “shelf” a hoped-for trip to Africa to the Palace’s recent sensitivity to speculation on the subject, veteran royal watchers say the couple is poised to start a family sooner rather than later.

In particular, watching their friends become parents “does help” boost William and Kate’s decision to follow suit, a family insider tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story.

Although they are unlikely to announce a pregnancy before the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebration this summer, like any couple, “they will let nature and life take its course,” adds a royal source.

[From People]

Meh. My theory still holds – they’re waiting, I think.

Oh, and here are some photos of Will and Kate's new wax figures at the Madame Tussauds in London. Um… why did they make Kate cross-eyed? Other than the major case of wonk eye, I think these wax figures are really good.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Has Ashley Olsen gone from from Johnny Depp to Jared Leto?

Posted: 04 Apr 2012 04:20 AM PDT

It was less than two weeks ago when In Touch Weekly claimed that Ashley Olsen and Johnny Depp may have been hooking up in Ashley's NYC apartment. In Touch claimed that Johnny was spotted by many people coming out of Ashley's building, having been in her apartment overnight (allegedly, although some reports claim that Depp was in Ashley Olsen’s building for business, and that he didn’t spend the night). It was a pretty gross story, what with Johnny seeming to be in the midst of a full-blown midlife crisis, and Ashley being all of 25 years old. I kind of bought the story because A) Ashley looks like Johnny's type and B) Why not?

So, if you believed that story, I don't know what you'll make of this – the New York Daily News claims that Ashley and her former lover Jared Leto were "rekindling" their romance ("boning") the other night:

ASHLEY OLSEN and Jared Leto were looking like they've rekindled their on-again, off-again romance on Sunday night. The 25-year-old fashion designer and the 40-year-old 30 Seconds to Mars front man — who dated briefly in 2005 and were reportedly spotted making out in 2008 — enjoyed a very flirtatious meal at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills.

The pair were escorted to a reserved booth around 5 p.m. and couldn't stop touching each other. Leto played with the twin's hair, caressed her arm and even playfully poked her with his fork. (We're not touching that one with a 10-foot butter knife.) After Leto paid for their salads, the two snacked on each other some more: Olsen hugged him and put her head on his lap. Reps for Olsen and Leto did not respond by deadline.

[From NYDN]

Is it weird that I don't have a problem with the idea of Jared and Ashley? They make some kind of crazy sense together, although I had forgotten that there were rumors about them back in day too. Now, I don't think much of Jared Leto in general – he's a try-hard, and I find him rather douchey, honestly. And I've never really formed an opinion about Ashley and Mary-Kate, other than my opinion that their "twin brain" is extremely creepy. Ashley could do better, I'm sure. But would she? Will she? Probably not. This is her type, I think. I'm sure at some point she'll hook up with James Franco too.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

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