Cele|bitchy

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• Courtney Stodden turns 17, is working on reality show, shopping her ‘life story’
• Matthew Fox punched a woman in the boob, stomach and biscuits
• Sarah Jessica Parker in Giambattista Valli: pretty or fug?
• Colin Farrell out in a tank top, showing his bulge
• ‘Jersey Shore’ cast at the VMAs: so much orange, so much glitter
• Beyonce’s VMA baby-bump debut inspires conspiracy theories
• Katie Holmes at the VMAs: boring dress and really ugly shoes
• Adele covers up in black, with big ginger hair at the VMAs: gorgeous?
• Katy Perry in Atelier Versace at the VMAs: lovely or too matchy-matchy?
• VMAs Disney kids fashion: Miley, Selena, Demi, Justin & not a cute outfit among them

Courtney Stodden turns 17, is working on reality show, shopping her ‘life story’ Posted: 29 Aug 2011 09:38 AM PDT Today is the 17th birthday of that chick who married a 51 year-old and spends her time coming up with creative and disgusting tweets celebrating her awkward sexuality. (Or she lets her creepy new husband who is older than her dad write them on her behalf. Whatever.) Courtney’s devious stage mom, Krista, will talk to any outlet that will listen and will go on about her daughter’s great career and how amazing her new son-in-law is. She’s like Dina Lohan, only that much more transparent and neglectful. To RumorFix, Krista Stodden said that “there are major networks interested” in buying the rights to her daughter’s story, as if it’s all that compelling that antiquated marriage laws to escape statutory rape charges still exist in America. That’s the only story I see here, along with a sad little girl who has learned to cope with her reality by developing Stockholm syndrome and becoming a parody of a sex kitten. It’s possible this is a whole media put-on, a la Joaquin Phoenix, as many of you have suggested. I’m hoping that’s the case but I’m not betting on it. Anyway here’s some crap Courtney’s mom has said recently. I picture her slurring into a cordless phone, a 1/4 full bottle of Smirnoff and a carton of orange juice on the counter next to her. “There are major networks calling us wanting to do a movie on Courtney's life because they are interested in her and they find her fascinating. The movie will be similar to the 1978 film Harper Valley P.T.A., a story about a town that's so small they couldn't handle the sexuality and beauty of one of the residence. Similarly, the town Courtney grew up in tried to keep her down, but she didn't let that happen because she is so strong and just kept her head up." When we asked Krista which networks are interested in a movie about her country-singing daughter she told us, "I don't want to name names." Although nothing is 100% confirmed, Krista informs us that it's "definitely something people are talking about and extremely interested in doing." - RumorFix Ocean Shores native and wedding shocker (and singer/model/beauty kween) Courtney Stodden turns 17 today, Courtney’s mother, Krista Stodden tells KBKW News that the newlyweds were hoping to celebrate at Disneyland “but here in California we have a heat wave so I don’t know if they’re going to be standing in those long lines, they might plan something else today.” Stodden said the controversial couple will soon be featured in their own reality show. “We’re in production right now, it’s going to be a very interesting reality show just because of the age difference. People are just interested in what a, now I can say 17 year old, has in common with a 51 year old.” - KBKW via ONTD [From RumorFix, KBKW] We last heard about a potential reality show for these two when they talked about it during an insane appearance on an Australian morning show last week. I hope when her mom says they’re “in production” on a reality show she means they’re “shooting a pilot and desperately trying to shop it to anyone that will listen.” I hope no one touches this with a very long pole, is all I’m saying. Hoax or not it’s way too out there. Then again, reality shows like Toddlers and Tiaras exist and people watch them. The sh*t they air is outrageous. Happy birthday to Courtney. She wrote last night that she was “Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ” Courtney’s husband told Radar that he “surprised his 17-year-old wife with her first birthday gifts from Victoria’s Secret, her favorite store.” This has got to be a put on. Especially since she should have tweeted some nonsense about her new birthday lingerie already.

Matthew Fox punched a woman in the boob, stomach and biscuits Posted: 29 Aug 2011 09:00 AM PDT You know how I said that Matthew Fox was an egotistical jagoff? Guess what? He punches women in the biscuits too. TMZ initially reported that Matthew Fox drunkenly assaulted a woman in Cleveland two nights ago when he punched her in her breast and her vadge. Then TMZ changed the story to "breast and stomach area" because I guess that sounds better…? The woman says he definitely punched her in the biscuits though. Matthew Fox was detained by cops in Cleveland, Ohio Saturday night after allegedly assaulting a woman outside of a bar … TMZ has learned. Law enforcement sources at the scene tell us … the “Lost” star allegedly tried to enter a party bus — even though he wasn’t a guest on the vehicle. We’re told the woman who was driving the bus tried to block Fox from getting on board — at which point, he allegedly punched her in the breast and the “stomach area.” Fox was handcuffed by an off-duty officer — and was later detained by police. Fox was released without being formally arrested. An assault report was taken and the matter remains under investigation. We have not been able to reach Fox for comment. UPDATE: According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, the woman PUNCHED BACK — and struck Fox “in the mouth … causing a cut on his lip.” The woman told police she may have broken her hand during the altercation. Fox was later released to a friend … who put the actor into a taxi and accompanied him back to his hotel. [From TMZ] TMZ then got an exclusive with the woman with the punched boob, who told them that she only punched back in self-defense. I believe her too. The woman who punched Matthew Fox in the face this weekend tells TMZ … she HAD to let her fists fly because the actor struck first and she needed to defend herself. TMZ spoke with Heather Bormann … who tells us she was driving a party bus for a private party Saturday night in Cleveland — when Fox boarded the vehicle. Bormann claims she told Fox he wasn’t welcome on the bus — but he was too drunk to understand. Bormann says, “He just kept staring at me with his mouth wide open and not saying anything. I told him, ‘You have to leave buddy. You are trespassing on my bus.’” That’s when Fox “leaned in and started punching my crotch and breast.” Bormann says, “I took one hand to his jaw and he was spitting blood. He stumbled backwards.” “This was my self-defense,” Bormann says … adding, “This was the only way I could protect myself…..from a man beating up on a woman.” Bormann says she’s meeting with prosecutors today — and may press charges. [From TMZ] I can't even imagine being punched in the biscuits. Why would a man (or anyone?) do that? "This woman is pissing me off, let me sock her in the vadge!" For why? Notice I'm not talking about being punched in the boob - I've been punched in the boob before, accidentally. They're just so big! I accidentally hit myself in the boob all the time. Anyway, this is your woman-beater post of the day. I was thinking about writing something on Chris Brown, but really, he's not worth my time. And I will seriously believe any bad story about Matthew Fox. He seems like a narcissistic bastard, a drunk, a womanizer and a loser. Photos courtesy of WENN.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Giambattista Valli: pretty or fug? Posted: 29 Aug 2011 08:29 AM PDT These are new photos of Sarah Jessica Parker at the Moscow premiere of I Don't Know How She Does It. SJP is wearing Giambattista Valli - which is okay. I don't really think it's her color, but I like the dress a lot. It would have looked great on SJP in a blue or purple, not this orange-red. Also: I dislike her hair here - she looks so much better with soft hair, and I have no idea why she scrapes everything back like this. And the cape is a bit much, but I think I know the reason for it, which I will get to in a moment. First, SJP wants us to know that all of those rumors about a third Sex and the City film are just that - rumors. Nothing more: Sarah Jessica Parker may have recently said there's more of the story to tell for "Sex and The City," but as of right now, there are no plans to share that vision wide with a third big screen installment. "I don't know of a movie in the imminent, or near, or even distant future," Sarah Jessica Parker told Access Hollywood on Thursday in New York City as she promoted her upcoming box office feature, "I Don't Know How She Does It." Sarah Jessica said she and the "SATC" team would know when the time is right. "I've always trusted that we've had a sense of when that timing, what is the right timing for a movie," she said. "Honestly, I'm not being cagey," she continued. "There is no discussion currently of a 'Sex and The City 3. Do I hold it out in my future in some way as a possibility? Of course." As for when it might take shape, Sarah Jessica had no answers, but she does know when it won't happen. "I don't see it within the next year or so," she said. [From Access Hollywood] So, we can all breathe a sigh of relief on that one. Hopefully, nothing will happen and we'll be spared another cat-faced monstrosity masquerading as feminism. Which brings me back to SJP and why she's wearing a cape. A few days ago, paparazzi got shots of SJP in a sleeveless top, and HER ARMS. The photos are below, but just beware: you cannot un-see this. Whatever is happening with her arms is much, much worse than Madonna. And Angelina. And whoever else you're thinking of. Now, I'm not saying every woman over a certain age should cover her arms - I'm seriously NOT saying that. I'm just saying that for SJP, she might think about wearing sleeves more consistently. And putting on a little weight too. Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Colin Farrell out in a tank top, showing his bulge Posted: 29 Aug 2011 08:15 AM PDT These photos of Colin Farrell’s hot arms while he’s out on Toronto remind me of that video of Ryan Gosling breaking up a fight. (I wrote “Ryan Reynolds” at first. Poor Ryan Gosling.) I was so surprised to see how huge Ryan’s arms were that at first I thought Ryan was another guy in the video. Colin is more filled out than I would have guessed, but he’s not as buff as Ryan. He looks really good here apart from the goofy tattoo. It says “Rita” in the middle, which is his mom’s name and Jimmy Jr., his first son, is inscribed across the bottom. I can’t read the other name at the top. Anyway the real story is that you can see the outline of Colin’s bulge in these workout pants. I was so mesmerized by his tight torso that I almost missed it. Kaiser is telling me he’s nicely endowed, since I defer to her to judge dong size. So I guess we know where he gets that swagger. Colin is in Toronto filming that Total Recall remake, which Len Wiseman is directing and which also stars Kate Beckinsale, Bryan Cranston and Jessica Biel. I don’t remember the original at all and I don’t consider it a classic so I couldn’t care less if it gets remade. Fright Night came out a week and a half ago and it’s only made about $14.2 million after a $30 million budget. I should go see it while it’s still at the movies. Or maybe I’ll wait for the DVD. Hopefully they’ll make up some of that budget in DVD sales. If they’re smart they’ll put it out around Halloween. Photo credit: WENN.com

‘Jersey Shore’ cast at the VMAs: so much orange, so much glitter Posted: 29 Aug 2011 08:03 AM PDT Naturally, the cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” was in attendance at last night’s VMAs, and honestly, I don’t even know where to begin here. Let’s just start with a rundown of the above photograph — from left to right, we’ve got Vinny Guadagnino, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Sammi Giancola, Deena Nicole Cortese, Paul “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio, and Jenni “JWoww” Farley. Conspicuously missing from the group were both Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and his abs, which is unfortunate because I really was looking forward to seeing some Abercrombie and Fitch on the black carpet. Alas, it turns out that The Situation got stranded in the wind and rain spawned by Hurricane Irene, so he couldn’t make the same private jet that the rest of the group caught on Saturday morning before the storm hit. That’s a likely story, of course. He was probably just getting some action and didn’t get out of bed on time, you know? At any rate, the general tactic here for the “Shore” cast was the usual method of finding the tackiest clothing possible; but since this was the VMAs, the look needed to be even more extreme, and the fake tanning lotion arrived in a fetching shade called “extra orange.” Surprisingly though, the boys were relatively tasteful in their choice of outfits, but Sammi went positively Kardashian-esque with a tiny animal print dress, and Deena looked like the lovechild of a fruit-striped candy cane and a piñata. Meanwhile, JWoww had her implants out in full force last night; let’s take a quick peek at them before we go in for the closeup: While I still believe that JWoww hasn’t had any plastic surgery on her face, I think it’s fairly obvious that some form of cosmetic tweaking took place before last night’s ceremony; specifically, a ton of botox. At least she did a better job with the falsies this time around though: Now for Snooki, who donned an orange cocktail dress with a festive gold ornamental theme. I’m not sure how she sat down without snapping a few twigs. That’s not all though. To fully appreciate Snooki’s look, one must witness the absolutely obscene amount of glitter at work here: In closing, I’ll let DJ Pauly D spin us out with one of his tunes. It’s amazing how normal he looks compared to the others, isn’t it? Photos courtesy of Fame

Beyonce’s VMA baby-bump debut inspires conspiracy theories Posted: 29 Aug 2011 07:52 AM PDT Have I finished eating my words yet? Probably not. As everyone reported last night, Beyonce debuted her bump at the VMAs. I thought the on-stage reveal was really cute, just because of the reaction shot of Jay-Z looking so proud and happy, and Kanye West losing his mind with happiness. It was adorable. Here's the video - I liked the performance a lot: Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Beyoncé Us Weekly's source says that Beyonce is three months along (side eye… really?) and that Bey was simply "too excited" to hold it in any more: Destiny’s child, indeed! Fans worldwide were floored — and thrilled — when Beyonce unexpectedly announced her pregnancy at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards in L.A. Clad in a loose, red Lanvin gown, the singer, 29, first rubbed her belly and told photographers the big news outside the show venue; her rep then confirmed it to Us Weekly. Later, after a joyous onstage performance of “Love on Top,” Beyonce unbuttoned her sequined D&G jacket and playfully rubbed her tiny bump once again. In the audience, dad-to-be Jay-Z (her hubby of three years) beamed as pal Kanye West congratulated him. “She’s close to three months along,” an insider close to the music supercouple tells Us of the normally private star. “She wasn’t going to announce it but she is so excited she couldn’t hold it in.” And the first-time dad Jay-Z (real name: Shawn Carter), 41, is just as pumped. “Jay is ecstatic and over the moon,” the insider says. “He really wanted this so badly.” So far, the Grammy-winning duo haven’t found out the gender of their first child — and are keeping other details close to the vest. “They barely told anyone…They kept it really secret until they were sure,” the pal explains, “and now she simply couldn’t wait to tell the world!” The baby news does complicate their professional lives, though — shooting for Beyonce’s high-profile film project A Star Is Born has been delayed, while Jay-Z has a big-time tour to deal with. “They will have to make adjustments,” admits the source, “but this is worth it!” [From Us Weekly] Have you heard the conspiracy theories? They exist - go here. The basic gist is that Beyonce hasn't left the public eye in months, she was just on stage, performing with no bump just ten days ago, and now suddenly she has this big bump? Some people think that while Bey might be/is probably pregnant, she was wearing a fake bump last night. Lainey says Bey is famous for Spanx'ing it, and CB confirms that it wouldn't be so weird for a pregnant woman to wear Spanx during her first trimester (although I would imagine it would be very uncomfortable, and not that great for the baby). I'm going to give Bey the benefit of the doubt, though. I think she was just excited and she decided to make a big deal over debuting her bump. It's fine, y'all. Photos courtesy of Fame.

Katie Holmes at the VMAs: boring dress and really ugly shoes Posted: 29 Aug 2011 07:27 AM PDT Here’s Katie Holmes at the VMAs with her pose-hard face that is in no way justified by the very budget-looking dress she’s trying to work. This plain lace Azzedine Alaia dress looks like something from the sale rack at Forever 21. She could have saved it with some hot fashion-forward shoes, but instead she chose these terrible light brown lace up boots! What was she thinking? You can tell she thinks she looks hot. All that auditing must have fried her fashion chip. Katie presented the video of the year, which Katy Perry won for Firework. Her voice cracked a lot and she looked pretty nervous up there to me. I guess she’s promoting that Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark movie, which was out this Friday. It pretty much tanked at the box office and came in third after The Help and Columbiana. She’ll have to ditch her husband if she wants her career back. It worked for Nicole Kidman. She can act though. Get More: 2011 VMA, Music Photo credit: WENN and Fame

Adele covers up in black, with big ginger hair at the VMAs: gorgeous? Posted: 29 Aug 2011 07:09 AM PDT Yes, I'm just covering Adele because I love her and I wanted to give myself a little gift after covering too many moderately to minorly talented "pop stars" at the VMAs. Do you know that Adele didn't win any of the big awards last night? "Rolling in the Deep" won awards for Best Editing, Best Direction, Best Art Direction and Best Cinematography, but Adele didn't take home anything during the actual live show. Still, she showed up with her beautiful, gigantic ginger hair and she performed and had a good time. I loved all of the cutaways of Adele - her priceless look when Lady Gaga fell off the piano, and her adorable, clappy sing-along when Beyonce was on performing. You know Adele and Beyonce are friends, right? They adore each other, and I believe Bey is probably a little jealous of how well Adele's album has done. Anyway, Adele barely got photographed on the black carpet, and she didn't get to go backstage for photos because she didn't win anything (ugh), but she did get to perform. And it was… magnificent. Her single "Something Like You" has become her standard for award shows after she performed the song at the BRIT Awards earlier this year and she absolutely KILLED IT then. I've watched that performance so many times, so I was slightly disappointed that Adele chose to do the same song in the same way last night. But I won't complain too much because I love the song and it was lovely to see a real singer with a real voice on the show. Here's the performance: Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Adele Photos courtesy of WENN.

Katy Perry in Atelier Versace at the VMAs: lovely or too matchy-matchy? Posted: 29 Aug 2011 06:39 AM PDT Katy Perry brought three costume changes and her husband to the VMAs last night, and only the costume changes wanted to be there. Maybe Katy and Rusty were just having an off-night. Maybe Rusty is really screwing around on Katy with that blonde chick. Maybe I'm misreading it. But it just seemed like Rusty was over it. Anyway, Katy walked the black carpet in Atelier Versace. I… uh… didn't hate it. Katy did the faux Pop Art/cartoon thing and it kind of worked. The little dress kind of worked on her. My biggest complaint about this look was Katy's hair and her makeup. First of all - that's really her hair, isn't it? That's not a wig. And that's why it looks so bad and damaged. She should really take better care of her hair, you know? The makeup - it was just oo matchy-matchy, the perfect shade of blue and pink to match the dress. It was overkill. After that, Katy changed into a Tom Ford (purple gown), a Dior (skirt and cardigan ensemble), and a Johnny Wujek dress for her win for Video of the Year (for "Firework"). The Wujek dress is below - it's my least favorite. My favorite is the Versace. Katy also won Best Collaboration, for "E.T." with Kanye West. Kanye seemed to be in especially good spirits last night, hanging with Jay-Z, showing humility when he won with Katy, and supporting his friends and fellow artists. Kanye was on his best behavior, basically. I just thought I'd mention it. Photos courtesy of WENN.

VMAs Disney kids fashion: Miley, Selena, Demi, Justin & not a cute outfit among them Posted: 29 Aug 2011 06:24 AM PDT We’re trying to figure out how to break up the “fashion” from last night’s VMAs, and I put fashion in quotes because no one really brought it, in my opinion. First off we have Miley Cyrus in a curious light blue Cavalli gown that mixed some kind of tiger/leopard/tree bark print at the bodice with a floral Asian motif along the skirt. At least it was demure, I’ll give her that, but it looked even worse from the back with that weird pattern continuing down in a thick stripe and clashing with the flowers. She paired it with some big dangling gemstone earrings and a diamond Lorraine Schwartz necklace, and it was over accessorized. She looked really happy and relaxed though. I find Miley very likable lately. Demi Lovato’s little silver Mandalay dress was way too tight, low cut and flashy. She’s probably going for “grown up” but it just makes the mom in me kick in and want to tell her to go back up to her room, wipe some of that gunk off her face and cover up. She turned 19 a month ago, though, so I guess it’s her prerogative. At least it’s not another mullet dress. Speaking of mullet dresses, little Selena Gomez committed that offense yet again. She looks like a newly introduced teen vampire on a CW show who’s about to get a three episode story arc before biting it in a disgusting blood-spewing death scene. She wore this gothic Julien Macdonald lace number. The high neckline with the lace, the sparkly vines and the feather-like parts is just bizarre. It also features cut-out lace sections around the bodice. Justin must have been staring at her cleavage all night in that ugly dress. It looks passable from the side I guess. And finally Justin Bieber tried to work a casual look in a black blazer, loose red pants, leopard-print sneakers and sexy librarian glasses. He won best male video for “You Smile.” In his acceptance speech he thanked God then Jesus “because, you know, I wouldn’t be here without him. He’s really blessed me, put me in this position.” Then he said he was sharing his award with all the other nominees. Here’s his acceptance speech, which was full of award show cliches but gratefully short. Justin brought a little pet snake with him for some reason, and he said the snake’s name was Johnson. So stupid. Get More: 2011 VMA, Music photo credit: WENN and Fame

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