Cele|bitchy

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• Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do her own makeup, thinks we can’t do ours either
• “Drew Barrymore is the most overpaid star in Hollywood” links
• Beyonce’s pillowy bump looks re-inflated & she’s having a girl?
• Johnny Depp at the Rum Diary London premiere: back to his old hot self?

Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do her own makeup, thinks we can’t do ours either Posted: 04 Nov 2011 10:46 AM PDT So Kaiser had the title saved for this story and I started sending her emails complaining about how I was offended by Gwyneth Paltrow’s newsletter this week. Goop gave us a makeup “tutorial” that was basic stuff I learned when I first started applying makeup as a teen. There was honestly nothing useful at all in there for me. I have auburn hair and pale reddish skin and I do my makeup every day. I can’t remember the last time I went out without makeup, and I don’t feel like myself when I don’t wear it. I don’t wear a lot, and unlike Gwen Stefani I have no problem sitting at home with a bare face around my loved ones, but when I go out I wear it. I know makeup, I know how to apply it, and I know what looks good with my coloring. You can call me insecure or vain or whatever, but I like doing my hair and makeup every day. Anyway, Goop used a “dear friend” as a model and wrote that she asked a London makeup artist to do her over and give us advice. It was so basic it annoyed me. I’ll just include Goop’s message here. You can go to Goop’s site for the very simple tutorial: Believe it or not, I am terrible at doing my own makeup. I’m decent at doing it for a friend, but when it comes to my own face, I never get it right. I have been wanting a step by step lesson for ages so I asked my London makeup artist, Emma Lovell, to show me how. One of my gorgeous school mum friends from my son Mosey’s class agreed to be the model (thank you, Kate!), and I learned so much. I hope it’s helpful for some of you! [From Goop] I guess if you have no clue how to apply makeup or what products are available the very basic advice may be useful to you. There was nothing new there or informative to me whatsoever. Doesn’t every makeup tutorial tell you that you need to curl your eyelashes first? This kind of illustrates for me why Goopy goes out without makeup and why she often looks like hell at events. I’ve seen her do that thing where she rims the membranes and lids of her eyes with thin black eyeliner, making her look squinty. It bothers me that this woman assumes everyone else is as inept with makeup as she is. When I go looking for tutorials, I want to learn how to do a smokey eye, the right brushes to use to apply and blend blush with my face shape, and how to shape my eyebrows and fill them, not just that I should use an eyebrow pencil and a “cream blush on the apple of the cheek.” Really, Gwyneth? You’ve been working red carpets for years and this makeup advice is news to you? It’s like she really does think we need her guidance in all matters. Update: I’ve been thinking about this, and the thing that bothers me the most is that Gwyneth assumes everyone is at the exact same level that she is, in everything. She shares gourmet recipes regularly. This makeup advice is the equivalent of telling us how to boil an egg or bake a potato. There are people who need to know how to do that, but that’s not what she claims to be about. These photos are from 2008 and 2009, when Gwyneth’s makeup was particularly bad. She seems to have hired a makeup artist afterwards.

“Drew Barrymore is the most overpaid star in Hollywood” links Posted: 04 Nov 2011 10:38 AM PDT Drew Barrymore is the most overpaid star in Hollywood. [Dlisted] Those Winklevoss twins won't STFU and stop whining. [Gawker] Kerry Washington's wacky bridal dress. [LaineyGossip] Kristen Stewart doesn't have the legs to pull this off. [Pop Sugar] Review of Tower Heist - I was going to see this, but meh. [Pajiba] Hell to the yes, Duran Duran is still making music! [Evil Beet] I kind of like Amanda Seyfried's dress here. [The Blemish] Anna Friel covers the new issue of Tatler. [Yeeeah] Eva Longoria will famewhore your baby without asking. [Celebuzz] Tara Reid's husband just wanted a green card. Sounds about right. [A Socialite Life] Kate Gosselin lets her kids play underneath an idling van. [CDAN] Kim Kardashian used a decoy at the airport. [Amy Grindhouse] Kris Humphries is staying quiet. [Moe Jackson] Here's Bruce Willis's wife, looking slightly preggo. [Celebrity Baby Scoop] Dating is hard when you're a Victoria's Secret model! [The Frisky] More photos of K-Stew & Sparkles' undying love. [INFDaily] Miranda Kerr is so cute. [Celebslam]

Beyonce’s pillowy bump looks re-inflated & she’s having a girl? Posted: 04 Nov 2011 09:58 AM PDT Here are some new photos of Beyonce in NYC yesterday, flaunting her re-inflated, dare-I-say PILLOWY bump. It was the first sighting of Bey since her those deflated bump photos, where she was wearing those fug ice-skater mega-heels. I was surprised by how much you lovely bitches still want to talk about Beyonce and the state of her bump, and I even started to agree with some of you conspiracy theorists that it's suspicious that Beyonce's hips and thighs don't look particularly preggo either. I had said before that I think Bey is actually pregnant, but that she's wearing extra padding for famewhore effect. But now I'm really starting to wonder… what's up with her? Is she just using a surrogate (or one of Jay's side-pieces) and wearing a fake bump so she can pass the baby off as her own? In the industry, that's called "The Kidman". Meanwhile, these photos were not just the debut of Beyonce's newest pillow - they were also the debut of Bey and Jay's gigantic new Mercedes "van". You can see parts of the behemoth vehicle in these pics, and you can see more photos here, at The Mail. Apparently, Bey and Jay are no longer traveling my Maybach - that shelled out $1 MILLION for a custom Mercedes van that includes a bathroom (with shower, toilet and sink), Italian leather seats, a $150,000 sound system, DirecTV, and WiFi. It's basically a trailer, only in the convenient "stretch limo van" size. Oh, and Kelly Rowland just "accidentally" let the gender of Bey's baby "slip". Apparently, Bey is definitely having a girl. Kelly told Bang Showbiz: "I’m so happy for my sister and her husband. They’re so happy in this moment right now, as they should be. They’ve made a little bundle of love, I’m so excited for them. I have no idea what I’m going to buy Beyonce at the baby shower because Jay is going to buy that little girl every single thing possible. She won’t be spoiled but she will be very well looked-after. I’ll be on hand for babysitting duties and I’m actually very good with messy diapers!” Yep. How will Jay-Z do with a daughter? It's going to get interesting, y'all. Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

Johnny Depp at the Rum Diary London premiere: back to his old hot self? Posted: 04 Nov 2011 09:33 AM PDT Johnny Depp worked the hell out of a blue suit at the Rum Diary premiere in London last night. I think he looks really good here, and like he’s almost back to his old self. It’s probably his perfectly tousled hair, his goatee that looks like it just sprung up unattended but was probably carefully cultivated, and the fact that he looks just like he used to. Remember his 2008 Oscar appearance with Vanessa Paradis? He looks the same here with a few extra pounds that he carries very well. Johnny is still making headlines for being drunk a lot, just like his character in Rum Diary. In mid October we saw video of Johnny falling over drunk while trying to sign autographs, and at the NY premiere of the Rum Diary Johnny appeared drunk and at some points was held up by a bodyguard. As Evil Beet speculates, Johnny could simply have been acting wasted at the premiere to promote the film, in which his character is a raging alcoholic. This week’s In Touch asks if Johnny is out of control and quotes a “friend” who says that Vanessa is “disgusted” with his drunkenness. They use the photos of Johnny being held up by the bodyguard to illustrate their point. Johnny Depp is a dedicated 48 year-old father of two. But lately, the former hell-raiser seems to be regressing to his hard-partying youth. “Johnny mellowed himself out over the past 10 years,” a friend explains, even swearing off hard alcohol at the behest of longtime partner Vanessa Paradis. Now, the friend says, he’s fallen off the wagon - and it’s threatening to destroy his relationship. “Johnny went on a spectacular bender recently while visiting LA. He was stumbling around and slurring his words.” Perhaps Johnny - currently promoting The Rum Diary… has just gone method? If so, he’d better shape up. “Vanessa is disgusted,” the friend says. [From In Touch, print edition, November 14, 2011] I believe that Johnny drinks a lot, and that he has been drinking as he’s doing promotion for Rum Diary. He was wasted during his Vanity Fair interview and he just did an interview with The Daily Mail in which he got drunk with the journalist and the screenwriter/director of Rum Diary, Bruce Robinson. (Shown below.) Robinson blamed Depp for convincing him to drink again after he was abstinent for six years. So it definitely sounds like Johnny loves getting drunk and shooting the sh*t with his friends. He looks sober here, though, and like he’s cool with promoting the film. Look at how cute he is kissing Amber Heard! (Kaiser reviewed her look here.) I bet they had a great rapport on set. If it’s true that his partner is “disgusted” that he’s getting so drunk, I hope everything is ok for him at home. Maybe he’s drinking because they’re having problems, and they’re having problems because he’s drinking. It can be cyclical that way. Photo credit: WENN and Fame

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