Crushable

Crushable


Dear Michael Fassbender: We Get That You Have A Penis And It’s Spectacular

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 11:02 AM PST

In case you haven’t heard Michael Fassbender is a man. As biology and anatomy classes have taught us, this means he has a penis. Women have vaginas, men have penises and then there are eunuchs; Fassbender is not a eunuch.

It was all the full frontal nudity in Shame that made the actor’s penis the talk of the town this past year. It was hard (pun!) to go anywhere without someone commenting on his, well, manliness.

In November our new favorite celebrity penis joined MTV’s After Hours host Josh Horowitz on his show where Fassbender showed that even outside of his own junk, he’s well acquainted with the junk of others and can easily identify fellow celebrity penises. He was shown photos of other actors who pulled a full monty and was only stumped once. Like we said, the man knows dick (pun!).

Then came the Golden Globes where in George Clooney‘s long (pun!) acceptance speech for his Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama award, he included a very complimentary shout out to fellow nominee Fassbender.

"I would like to thank Michael Fassbender for taking over the frontal nude responsibly that I had," he said. “Really Michael, honestly, you can play golf like this with your hands behind your back," he continued, mocking a golf swing with his hands behind back. “Go for it man, do it!”

Actually, the Golden Globes were full of a decent amount of penis jokes, because if we’re not talking cock, then we’ve lost all sense of ourselves.

Last night on the Late Show with David Letterman, Fassbender was at it again. In a playful retaliation to his A Dangerous Method co-star Viggo Mortensen, who told Letterman last week that Fassbender hops on one leg repeatedly in preparation for a scene, Fassbender went the penis route of course! He told Letterman that when Mortensen prepares for a scene he sits in the corner naked eating — wait for it — a banana. Get it? Penis? Banana?

So dearest Michael, we get it; we really do. You have a penis and it’s large and amazing and you’re probably being propositioned by women left and right because of it. Good for you. But can we please move on to another topic? How about your ass? That might be a nice change of pace and no one has put nearly enough focus on that part of your body. Frankly at the end of the day, a dick is a dick is a dick is a dick — or so I’ve been told.

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Sinead O’Connor Has Been Hospitalized For Depression

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 10:52 AM PST

It’s been a bumpy few months for Sinead O’Connor. Since she began popping up in the headlines for her bizarre, T.M.I. sex rants, the Irish pop star has met a man, fallen in love, gotten married, gotten separated, gotten back together with him, and then grown estranged from him once again, tweeting all the while. This behavior seemed like both a symptom of, and a catalyst for, emotional stress in her life, so it comes as somewhat of a relief that she’s finally decided to take steps to get help by checking herself into a treatment facility for her depression. (Which, from the looks of it, is bipolar in nature.)

“Gonna be off radar for few weeks. But will be back. Worry not,” she tweeted a few days ago, followed by some clarifying tweets to her followers: “exactly.. im going to hospital. Treatment for depression. Not at all well. But they will put me back together quick.” She also told fans not to worry about her: “Dont want anyone worrying. Should only worry if a depressed person DOESNT go hospital. all will be well. Just little time. : )”

O’Connor has spoken before about how tricky it can be to find psychiatric help in Ireland. “Now in Ireland we are also in fear of ever actually verbalizing that we feel suicidal. this is because we will be labelled ‘mad’ and if you’re ‘mad’, people abuse you,” she wrote earlier this month. It’s great that she’s trying to make this a less taboo topic of conversation, and we here at Crushable wish her luck in her fight with depression.

(Via NYDN)

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First Look: Cinna’s Fire Costumes For Katniss And Peeta In The Hunger Games

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 10:40 AM PST

So far, when it comes to the character of Cinna in The Hunger Games, we’ve been focusing on how Lenny Kravitz will portray him: His simple outfits save for the signature gold eyeliner, and what he says to Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) in the movie trailer. But what about Cinna’s evocative costumes from the book, and the real-life costume designer who has to match that?

Judianna Makovsky basically has to emulate a brand; since the first Hunger Games book came out in 2008, fans have come up with art and costumes envisioning the pieces described by author Suzanne Collins. But judging from this new image from EW, Makovsky has brought Cinna’s designs to life.

Pictured are Katniss and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) getting ready for their grand entrance into the pre-Games interviews. As director Gary Ross explains,

What Cinna was trying to do was create something that came out of District 12, out of a coal mining world, with a fresh, bold look to it. So Judianna went to this wonderful black reflective material that glistened like coal or graphite and would obviously work well in the Tribute parade where Katniss becomes the Girl on Fire.

As you can see, Lenny-as-Cinna is holding a blowtorch, prepared to set Katniss and Peeta’s flame-retardant costumes on fire.  (She looks more confident than poor Peeta.) We’re also really intrigued by Katniss’ braids; hopefully we’ll get a higher-quality shot soon so we can figure out how intricate they made her hairstyle.

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The 7 Best Quotes From Tucker Max’s Retirement Interview

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 10:15 AM PST

So Tucker Max, horrible person but hilarious storyteller, has decided to retire from the “fratire” genre of literature as well as his hard-partying, risky-sex lifestyle. That’s right—not only is he not going to write about banging deaf girls and throwing up on himself, but he’s looking for his wife. It may come as a shock, but the author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is 35 and is looking back on his twenties with more disgust than you’d expect.

Of course, Tucker’s retirement will come after the release of his third book Hilarity Ensues. “I publicly, explicitly retire,” he told Michael Ellsberg in an exhaustive Forbes profile. “I want to be free to move on with my life.” I completely recommend that you read the entire interview, especially because Ellsberg inserts his own personal experiences envying and later leveling with Tucker.

But if you’re in a rush, here are the highlights, everything from Tucker talking up Freudian psychoanalysis as what helped him mature, to his current girlfriend’s thoughts on if she’d ever marry him. Here are our nine favorite quotes.

1. ”I never thought I would do that forever. There are many people who are envious of what I do, and they're like, 'you can't do this forever' blah-blah-blah. And I'm like, 'Well who said I would?'”

2. "So many people describe my book as just pure id. What I'm trying to do now is to connect my ego and my superego to my id. I'm trying to understand, why was I doing all this stuff? Why was I acting this way? Through understanding all of that, you start to resolve the underlying problems that you're acting out, in a healthier, more productive way.”

3. “You could say something to a woman, and she would be like,'You dick!'" [mimicking a woman's face of disgust.] I could say the exact same thing to her, and she would be like, 'You dick!' [giggle, blush, giggle].”

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The American Idol Season 11 Premiere, Recapped In Haiku

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 09:46 AM PST

Last night’s season premiere of American Idol brought legions of hopefuls out to Savannah, Georgia to try their skill in front of the judges. Because there were so many auditions, I’ve condensed my thoughts into the ancient, pithy, Japanese form known as haiku. How efficient is that?

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Happy National Popcorn Day!

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 09:25 AM PST

It’s National Popcorn Day, ladies and gentlemen!

Your TV watching experience isn’t complete without a big bowl of popcorn on our lap. If you haven’t been watching television and movies this way, we’re not saying you’ve been doing it wrong, we’re just sweetly suggesting that your life might be lacking in that regard. No worries! We have solved that problem for you.

In honor of National Popcorn Day, we have matched your favorite Thursday night shows with appropriate popcorn options. All the recipes are really easy and just involve some popcorn and extra spices. You may be thinking that butter and salt are the only way to go when it comes to such a snack, but you really can’t say that for sure until you give these other flavors a try.

No matter what shows you might be looking forward to tonight, we have the popcorn recipe to complement it perfectly.

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5 Facts About Haywire Star Gina Carano

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 09:09 AM PST

It seems like the Haywire trailer came out of nowhere, but when it did, it got everyone’s attention: Real-life MMA fighter Gina Carano, a relative unknown to movie fans, faces off against such recognizable faces as Michael Fassbender, Channing Tatum, and Ewan McGregor in cringe-worthy fight scenes.

So why did director Steven Soderbergh go for someone who could fight but had no on-screen experience, and is this acting gig a temporary detour for the MMA fighter or a more permanent career change? Here are the five facts we found about Gina and her involvement with Haywire.

1. Soderbergh first approached Gina barely a week after she got her ass handed to her by Christiane “Cyborg” Santos in 2009. Gina wasn’t feeling up to any sort of meeting, but she said that talking with Soderbergh was so laid-back that when he offered her the role she couldn’t say no.

2. She’s actually been on hiatus from MMA since she first started developing Haywire. Even though her last fight was the defeat at Cyborg’s hands, Gina seems content for the moment to bide her time before her return. “I don’t think my ego works like that; I kind of wish it did, because then I’d be a better fighter,” she told MMA Fighting. “I’ve gotten better at watching fights; I can get excited and handle it. I think I’m a late bloomer and I feel like I got pushed out there almost too fast.”

3. Doing every fight scene meant she had to teach her male co-stars that it’s OK to hit a girl. “I was very new to acting, they were very new to being physical with a female in fight scenes,” she said in a recent interview, “and I threw myself into the character Mallory Kane and they did the same thing with fight scene.” She did acknowledge, however, that their different skills led to a mutual respect.

4. Unlike actresses with diva reputations, Gina was totally fine with Soderbergh’s decision to drastically alter her voice. They both agreed that her character, Mallory Kane, should be an entirely different entity than Gina Carano. Soderbergh explained,

That’s not really her speaking voice. We spent a lot of time in post working really hard on her voice, and we used every trick imaginable that’s used on records today — in the editing, in the pitch. We combined five different readings in one sentence… So that took a lot of work, and we worked really hard on it. That was the point of it. Everyone under the age of 30 is terrified of Gina, but Mallory is someone new.

Gina has emphasized how excited she is simply to be involved: “There was a little joke that I was saying that even if [Soderbergh] would have shaved my head and put Bill Clinton as my voice, I would have still done it.” Here’s the trailer, and a red-carpet interview with Gina, for you to compare voices:

5. Based just on the five minutes of Haywire that’s been released, Gina has already been offered two other big roles. One is as Circes, the alluring Greek goddess, in an upcoming Percy Jackson and the Olympians sequel. The other? Wonder Woman. Even though the David E. Kelley pilot tanked, fans haven’t given up hope for a muscular, powerful woman to embody the Amazonian superhero. And it seems like they’d rather have someone with more fighting than acting experience.

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Jay-Z Is Going To Keep Using The Word ‘Bitch,’ After All

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 08:24 AM PST

When I first heard that Jay-Z had supposedly vowed to stop using the word “bitch” following the birth of his daughter, I was skeptical. Jay-Z uses that word a lot, and it seems inconsistent with his image to do a sudden 180 like that. After years of unapologetically using it to refer to lesser rappers, other people’s daughters, and even the mother of his own magic child, would he really let a baby change his mind on what is, for him, a basic element of language, to be used interchangeably with “woman” in both positive and negative contexts?

No, Hova wouldn’t. “That poem and story are fake,” the unrepentant swear sayer told The New York Daily News of the poem allegedly written by him that’s currently going around on the internet. He’s nothing if not consistent.

Is it okay for rappers to use that word? As a feminist, I’ve often struggled to reconcile my dislike of that term with my appreciation for rappers who use it. It’s become such a common syntactical trope that most MCs don’t think twice about it, even using it in songs where they’re supposed to be praising the “bitch” in question. Take Jay-Z’s verse in the recently released “That’s My Bitch,” where he’s basically like, “bitch, you should be in a museum!”

Go harder than a nigga for a nigga, gofigure
Told me keep my own money if we ever did split up
How could someone so gangsta be so pretty in pictures
Ripped jeans and a blazer and some Louboutin slippers
Picasso was alive he woulda made her
That's right nigga, Mona Lisa can't fade her
I mean Marilyn Monroe, she's quite nice
But why all the pretty icons always all-white?
Put some colored girls in the MOMA
Half these broads ain't got nothing on Wyldna
Don't make me bring Thelma in it
Bring Halle, Bring Penelope and Selma in it
Back to my Beyoncés, you deserve three stacks word to Andre
Call Larry Gagosian
You belong in museums, you belong in vintage clothes crushing the whole building
You belong with niggas who used to be known for dope dealin'
You too dope for any of those civilians
Now shoo children, stop lookin' at her t*ts
Get your own dog, ya heard
That's my b**ch

I imagine Beyonce is cool with this, or he would have heard about it from her. Anyway, my point is, Jay-Z is almost definitely not going to back down on his use of the term, and we can probably expect a defensive statement from him soon about how everyone in hip-hop uses it, it’s not necessarily disrespectful, that’s just how he raps, etc.
(Via NYDN)

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DIY: How To Prepare For Your Downton Abbey Inspired Viewing Party

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 07:35 AM PST

It seems everyday there’s another mention of Downton Abbey and all the people who are completely falling in love with the show. Devoted fans are really going the extra mile and even starting a new trend: Downton Abbey inspired viewing parties.

With the next episode of season two on this Sunday night, people are getting ready to celebrate by hosting parties that are somewhat of an ode to the show that in the last few months has become a cultural phenomenon. From decorating to appropriate attire to food and beverage, we have some suggestions for your next Downton Abbey inspired party. Whether you have a bunch of friends over to watch the episodes or you think it’s fitting to just rock out all Crawley family style any night of the week, here are some tips to transport you back to 1914 England.

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Crush Links: Channing Tatum Becomes A Real Life Hero

Posted: 19 Jan 2012 06:55 AM PST

• David Beckham and family to stay in USA. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

• Is O.J Simpson, Khloe Kardashian’s father? (Have U Heard)

• Which of these male celebs look better topless? (Celebuzz)

• Is Michelle Williams the best actress? (Lainey Gossip)

Ryan Seacrest not to take pay cut on American Idol. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Channing Tatum a real life hero. (Have U Heard)

• Is someone being booted from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hill? (The Stir)

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