Crushable |
- The Daily WTF: Lana Sutra is Copulating Yarn Sculptures
- Video: Evan Rachel Wood Sings Karaoke, Takes It Way Seriously
- If The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) Is Torture Porn, Then Why Does Its Official Teaser Trailer Shy Away from the Gore?
- Fan Fiction: Courtney Stodden’s Advice Column
- Illustrated Event: Bumbershoot!
- Every Country Should Have a Real-Life Angry Birds Theme Park
- Sweet Repeat: Saoirse Ronan’s Eyes Are So Incredible That They Change Colors
- Madonna’s Upper East Side Neighbor Is Suing Her For Being Too Noisy
- Dave Grohl Explains His Eff-You to Glee Creator Ryan Murphy
- Ryan Gosling Is So Embarrassed That He Broke Up That Street Fight
| The Daily WTF: Lana Sutra is Copulating Yarn Sculptures Posted: 08 Sep 2011 11:13 AM PDT
Is there a name for the condition of being aroused by knitware? Purlophilia? Then the art project Lana Sutra appears to be catering to purlophiliacs. Curated by Cuban artist Erik Ravelo, the sensual sweater exhibition opened in three European Benneton stores earlier this week. Evidently, the sculptures are meant to represent “love, humanity, equality and the attention to life using all five senses.” But all we’re getting is a bunch of yarn fucking other bunches of yarn. And now we’re aroused. Post from: Crushable |
| Video: Evan Rachel Wood Sings Karaoke, Takes It Way Seriously Posted: 08 Sep 2011 11:04 AM PDT One thing I like about Evan Rachel Wood is that she makes no effort to hide the fact that she’s a big, dorky theater person. While other actors hide behind hipster glasses and publicists, she’s out there engaging in shameless cosplay by dressing alternately like Dita Von Teese and some sort of fancy chimbly sweep. She says things like “I think I’m a little controversial?” She dated Marilyn Manson, king of mall Goths. And when the chance to do karaoke comes a-knockin’, she jumps right up there in her red carpet attire and actually tries to be good, bless her heart. We’ve seen her do this once already, when she sang Justin Bieber’s “U Smile” at a party earlier this summer. Now, video has surfaced of her performing 4 Non Blondes‘ awesomely bad nineties hit “What’s Up” at an after party for the Venice Film Festival in front of a crowd that included George Clooney (director of the Wood-featuring new film The Ides Of March) and probably a lot of other famous people, too. Evan has a great voice, but I can’t help thinking of that person you don’t know who shows up to the bar and totally kills a song…and you think it’s really awesome, until you realize he’s there by himself, and practiced his song at home all week, and generally takes the whole thing way too seriously. I’m not saying Evan is That Guy, but she also clearly does not give a fuck about being cool, and that is why we love her. This love should last indefinitely, provided she stays away from show tunes. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Posted: 08 Sep 2011 10:58 AM PDT The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) is markedly different from its predecessor in a couple of ways. For one, it doesn’t even pretend to have researched the possibility of building a “Siamese Triplet” (as the first one claimed to be) and gleefully sticks to the tagline “100% Medically Inaccurate.” But the strangest difference is that neither of the two teaser trailers features anything truly disgusting. It’s all weirdly detached. The first one — which we still think was a fake — just showed people puking as they purportedly watched the sequel. Today’s trailer, released by IFC, finally introduces us to the movie’s twisted villain, but gives no hint as to what a “full sequence” centipede looks like. It’s only from reading the movie’s synopsis and news reports that we actually know what it’s about: Martin (Laurence R. Harvey), the obese, bug-eyed sociopath you see above, becomes sexually obsessed with The Human Centipede after watching the movie. (That’s right — things get really meta.) Inspired by the depraved Dr. Heiter, he kidnaps ten people with the intent to join them together, mouth-to-anus, like before. He also wraps his penis in barbed wire to rape the woman stuck at the rear of his creation. That’s just the worst, right? But there wasn’t the slightest hint in the trailer as to Martin’s actual plans for the centipede. Tom Six and his team must think that less is more — that we’ll be more frightened if we have no way of preparing ourselves for the movie. But we (the reluctant “fans” of the first movie) are in a weird place here: Any graphic footage will remind our gag reflexes about that wild ride back in 2009, and yet we feel cheated if we don’t see anything. For reference, here’s the official trailer for The Human Centipede, which hits just the right balance of teasing and terrifying: Though for the most part it’s Dr. Heiter talking about the surgery and training his new pet, we get a few gruesome flashes of what this unnatural creature actually looks like. Maybe it’s too early to expect more footage — but bear in mind that the movie gets its world premiere at Austin’s Fantastic Fest on September 22. Soooo, at least it’ll be very soon that we’ll have a better idea of what horrible acts Tom Six has thought up in the last two years. The one thing we did glean from the teaser: Martin’s got an overbearing, elderly mother who’s disappointed in her fucked-up son. Wonder what fate she gets… Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Fan Fiction: Courtney Stodden’s Advice Column Posted: 08 Sep 2011 10:40 AM PDT
Dear Courtney, Thank you so much for being a positive example to young girls dating older men. My mom recently found out that I've been seeing my teacher, Mr. Gordon, and she basically flipped out. All she does now is cry and call lawyers, and worst of all, she's told me I'm not allowed to go out with Mr. Gordon ever again. It's like she doesn't get how mature I am. Like you, I am an old soul, and my boobs developed before any of the other seventh grade girls. Please tell me how to change her mind. Can 12 plus 64 equal sexy love, too? Stacked Tween Dear Stacked, I rilly appreciate you calling me positive. I am definitely the most positive person I know, and that is my worthiest weapon against the haters. As regards to your question, I feel a little ambidextrous. Naturally, I am aware that true love knows no age. If I had let the age difference become an impertinent, Doug and I would not be as intensely intwined as we are now. But 12 is a little young, no matter how old you look. You might not even be perioding, which is a sign of your fertility and the reason Jesus gave us such sensuous pleasures. Wait until you are at least 16, or when Mr. Gordon gets out of prison, whichever comes first. In response to your mother, I only wish all parents could be as sexily supportive as mine. The best thing you can do is show her your matureness with outrageous outfits and as much makeup as your fierce face can fit. If you look 35, everyone will treat you 35. God bless. Courtney Dear Courtney, Wow, you are hot! I can't stop watching your videos, reading your tweets, and taping photos of you to my ceiling. Ever since I first heard "Don't Put It On Me," I knew you were going to be a star. But Courtney, what are you doing with a senior citizen like Doug Hutchison? No offense, but you are way out of his league. So how about giving this 25-year-old high school-educated hunk a chance? When you're done with that dinosaur, I'll be ready for you. A Real Man Dear Rill, Dinosaur? Excuse me, little boy, but there is nothing fictional about my handsome hubby. I love him with all my heart, and I am so glad I saved my bodacious bod for his eyes only. But myself, as a warm and synthetic person, can understand your jealous feelings. Who wouldn't be envied of my delectable Doug? He starred in Steven Spielberg's The Green Mile, and now he stars in all my most ferocious fantasies! I'm jealous of me, myself, for sharing my bed with him. So while I am gracious for your compliments, I want you to remember jealousy is the ugliest of all the emotions Pandora birthed from her box. Do you think Jesus was jealous when all his friends were engaging in carnivorous carnality and he had to keep his body pure? Be true to yourself and maybe you'll find a woman who will embarrass you for who you are, including your interest in dinosaur mythology and myself. God bless. Dear Courtney, I am so impressed with your commitment to abstinence until marriage. It must have made your wedding night a painful but rewarding experience. Unfortunately, my boyfriend Mark thinks 18 is too young to get married, and that we should just go ahead and give into our desires now. I'm tempted, but I don't want to ruin what he have. Also, what did he mean when he said he doesn't want to buy the cow until he's sure the milk is good quality? Please tell me how to keep his interests and still be a good Christian. Legs Closed for Jesus Dear Legs, It's such a perverse pleasure to hear from another Christian. Nothing turns me on more than keeping your vessel holy until you've committed to your partner under Christ. (By the way, my wedding night was rewarding but not painful! I actually tore my Jesus patch in a freak baton-twirling accident at my high school talent show.) Believe me, I understand the urge to sin. As Doug will tell you, I am the most unsatiable lover you can imagine. But don't give in! Remind Mark that while your time on this enriching earth is limited, you can have an erotic eternity together in Heaven. That can never come to pass if you disgrace your body under the eyes of the Lord. He sees everything, even after you've blown out the stimulating vanilla-scented candles. So stay true to your beliefs, and assure your boyfriend it will be worth the wait once you are Mr. and Mrs. Mark. Also, anal doesn't count. God bless. Courtney Post from: Crushable |
| Illustrated Event: Bumbershoot! Posted: 08 Sep 2011 10:24 AM PDT I spent my Labor Day weekend (Labor Day, if you’ll recall, is that holiday that has something to do with like, unions, or some shit, probably) in Seattle for the music and comedy festival Bumbershoot. Lots of great bands played, and also I ate a lot of things and drank a lot of things. Here are some highlights from the festival as drawn by this emotionally-stunted, it’s a wonder she’s not five-years-old, deputy editor. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Every Country Should Have a Real-Life Angry Birds Theme Park Posted: 08 Sep 2011 10:18 AM PDT
Oh, China. We can’t agree with you monitoring your citizens’ Internet access, but then you come up with something incredible like this Angry Birds theme park in Hunan, and our hearts melt. Though it’s unofficial, it’s the most accurate real-life representation we’ve seen of the addicting game: People launch bird plushies out of gigantic slingshots to topple the wooden structures protecting green balloon pigs. Really, these should exist everywhere: At work retreats, on college campuses, at weddings! You can check out all of the photos and a video at the source, but here are a few more shots to set the scene:
[Mic Gadget via Ology] Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Sweet Repeat: Saoirse Ronan’s Eyes Are So Incredible That They Change Colors Posted: 08 Sep 2011 09:28 AM PDT
Another day, another actor praising what must be Saoirse Ronan‘s best asset: Her piercing blue eyes. Even though Saoirse’s been in big films like Atonement and The Lovely Bones and nabbed herself an Oscar nomination, it always comes back to those orbs. More interesting, they manage to change shades depending which film or red-carpet event she’s at; we count at least eight different colors. And you won’t believe the way people fall over themselves to describe those eyes — we’ve come up with the actual quotes. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Madonna’s Upper East Side Neighbor Is Suing Her For Being Too Noisy Posted: 08 Sep 2011 09:02 AM PDT
Well, this is embarrassing. Madonna‘s downstairs neighbor at one of her New York City properties is suing her for making too much noise over the course of three years. Apparently, she was using her apartment as a rehearsal and workout studio, playing loud music and stomping around with her “guests” from one to three hours a day, every day. Manhattan judge Louis York has allowed the lawsuit to proceed. Via The New York Post:
Madonna’s defense countered by saying that the noise only happened during the day, never exceeded three hours, and never reached the level prohibited by city codes. In other words, Madonna is going to do as she darn well likes, because she is fucking Madonna. As someone who works from home, I can sympathize with the neighbor here. If someone was making a ton of noise for three hours every afternoon (which is nearly half my work day), I’d be pissed too. It wouldn’t matter if it was Joe Schmoe or my favorite band in the world; constant, blaring noise renders your apartment uninhabitable. (I can’t read or write anything longer than a tweet when there’s music on.) Compound that by the fact that whoever lives in Madonna’s building paid a fuck ton of money for the privilege, and they are really going to want it to be habitable. I mean, it’s not like Madonna’s act is some low budget, fly-by-night operation…she can afford an actual practice/exercise studio. On the other hand, it seems like the neighbor has already won this battle and is now just being vindictive. According to the article, Madge has since “constructed a studio in one of her other New York City properties to use for her exercises,” so the torment is over. But that’s not going to stop the neighbor from putting some insane price tag on all the mental anguish Madonna has inflicted, which she will pay, because she has infinite dollars. So, what have we learned today? Non-famous rich people: 1.) hate noise, 2.) even if it’s Madonna, and 3.) are way greedy. How do you think they got rich in the first place? Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Dave Grohl Explains His Eff-You to Glee Creator Ryan Murphy Posted: 08 Sep 2011 10:21 AM PDT
Last night on Chelsea Lately, Dave further explained what his comments were all about:
That seems pretty reasonable, right? Additionally, here’s where the logic in Ryan Murphy’s entire argument gets a little questionable: in his initial attack on KOL, he claimed the band was, “Missing the big picture: that a 7-year-old kid can see someone close to their age singing a Kings of Leon song, which will maybe make them want to join a glee club or pick up a musical instrument.” Definitely, it’s hard to argue against a seven-year-old kid picking up a musical instrument or wanting to sing in the school chorus. Arts education is 100% for sure a good thing. However, Kings of Leon is a rock band and their most popular song is about fucking. It’s about STDS and road head — and the educational merits of a song like that aren’t exactly obvious. And Dave Grohl? Dave was in Nirvana for goodness’ sake. It’s hard to see the line from seven-year-old kid picking up a guitar to 18-year-old kid tying off in the bathroom of a nightclub as a particularly educationally worthwhile one. This isn’t to say that every child who’s inspired to play the drums in elementary school is going to end up an addict who feels the need to recount his fiery sexual exploits in front of an audience of millions. That would be ridiculous. However, to completely ignore that aspect of the careers of these musicians whom you’re hoping to hold up as inspirational role models is just absurd. And that’s what Ryan Murphy’s doing. At the end of the day, Glee‘s a television show with a dozen-person wardrobe department and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of studio lighting on hand to aid in the creation of its universe. And to hold that up as a bastion of arts education is arrogant — and perhaps even an actual detriment to those seven-year-olds who are thinking it might be amazing to sing in their school chorus. Did I just sign up for battle? Bring it on, Murphy; I can curse like a sailor with the best of you. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Ryan Gosling Is So Embarrassed That He Broke Up That Street Fight Posted: 08 Sep 2011 08:30 AM PDT
The way Ryan told it, the thief was a huge fan of this artist; he went every day to check out the guy's paintings. He stole the painting out of love, but got caught by the artist before Ryan even showed up. Ryan explained how his appearance made the situation so much more awkward: "Which means the guy was a fan, and so he wanted the painting so bad he had to steal it because he couldn’t afford it. So he finally steals the painting and he’s getting his ass kicked by his hero, and then the guy from The Notebook shows up and makes it weirder. The whole thing, nobody wins. Nobody won." Get More: Movie Trailers, Movies Blog What he didn't say was whether he just bought the painting and gave it to the admirer/thief, to make everyone happy. That‘s the way to use his fame for good. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
Hi, my luscious lovelies! It's me, inspiring actress, model, and singer Courtney Stodden. I'm completely titillated to be taking your questions, and giving you my unique inside into the rill problems facing young women today. Don't be afraid to get wet and wild with your questions, because I love getting my silky hands dirty!
Ryan Murphy vs. Kings of Leon and Dave Grohl is shaping up to be the battle of the decade aside from those battles that results in the actual loss of human life and civil liberties. To recap: At the beginning of the year, Ryan attacked KOL for rejecting Glee‘s query about using one of their songs, calling them self-centered assholes; KOL attached Ryan right back with their own profane jabs; months ago, Dave Grohl gave an interview defending Kings of Leon by shooting Ryan Murphy with yet another “fuck you.”
You know who doesn't think Ryan Gosling is a hero for stopping a guy from stealing a painting on the streets of New York? Ryan Gosling. The Ides of March star told MTV News that | You are subscribed to email updates from Crushable To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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