Crushable |
- Jessie J Is A Wounded Kitty Cat
- 5 Facts About Delta Goodrem, Nick Jonas’ Older Woman Girlfriend
- Abduction Is Bad, But Taylor Lautner’s Post-Twilight Career Is Gonna Be OK
- Is Kelly Clarkson Seriously Blasting The Press In Her New Video?
- Ladies Be Filmin’: NBC’s Prime Suspect
- Jersey Shore Field Notes: Jionni Is In The Building
- Am I Right Ladies? A Bündchen of BS
- Proof That Courtney Stodden Got Plastic Surgery: At 15 She Actually Looked Normal
| Jessie J Is A Wounded Kitty Cat Posted: 23 Sep 2011 11:33 AM PDT
You know what makes me sad? Kittens with teeny tiny casts on their legs. English pop star Jessie J knows this, and has decided to use it against me. In a bid to melt her haters’ icy hearts, Jessie J has been channeling the wounded kitten look as she limps around Paris this week, rocking a spirit hood in addition to what looks like the top part of a prison jumpsuit. Jessie J is a wounded kitten who just escaped from jail! Her plan might have worked were we not smart enough to determine that she is not, in fact, a wounded widdle kitty cat, but professional over-singer Jessie J, who annoys us. Hers is an expression that says, “look at me, I am so famous and goofy!” I’m pretty sure that French lady is not laughing with her. And is that snake print on the inside of her spirit hood’s scarf thingy? Because snakes and kittens so don’t mix.
Here is yet another French person who is visibly unimpressed by her shenanigans: Maybe next time, leave the spirit hood wearing to Ke$ha, who is in on the joke of how ridiculous and annoying she is. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| 5 Facts About Delta Goodrem, Nick Jonas’ Older Woman Girlfriend Posted: 23 Sep 2011 11:09 AM PDT
1. Delta’s a superstar in her own right in her home country of Australia. The singer, whose music can be classified as poppy adult contemporary, has eight number-one singles and three number-one albums to her name. 2. Delta has battled cancer. At the age of 18, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which attacks the body’s immune system. 3. She actually rose to fame via her acting career. Delta starred on the Australian soap opera Neighbours (that’s Neighbors for you Americans) in 2002. 4. Delta was previously engaged to Westlife singer Brian McFadden, and began dating Nick just two months after their announced their split. Prior to Brian, Delta dated tennis star Mark Philippoussis, who was by her side during her cancer battle. 5. Delta often performs barefoot! That sounds dangerous and also hippie-ish. Post from: Crushable |
| Abduction Is Bad, But Taylor Lautner’s Post-Twilight Career Is Gonna Be OK Posted: 23 Sep 2011 10:32 AM PDT
How do we know? It has to do with government conspiracies and Taylor’s T-shirt. In Abduction, Taylor manages to convince us that he’s both a trained martial arts expert and a normal high school senior. He gets drunk, can’t say more than “Hi” to a pretty girl in the hallway, and struggles with resentment toward his parents. Then, once everything goes to shit and he and Lily Collins have to go on the run, he convincingly plays the kind of character who’s freaking out but is able to push his hysteria to a manageable level so he can learn everything necessary about taking down the bad guys. Abduction‘s twist is confusing — honestly, I had trouble explaining the specifics of it to a friend — and a letdown. But Taylor commits to the whole black ops/CIA conspiracy throughout the film, so that it wasn’t until afterwards that I realized that I was still confused. He sells it. Understand: This is not a good movie. It’s currently at 6% on Rotten Tomatoes. The script reduces Taylor’s older costars Sigourney Weaver and Alfred Molina to blithering idiots, but the chase scenes are fun. Sorry to say that there are actors Taylor’s age who will always be more compelling — Anton Yelchin and Aaron Johnson come to mind immediately — but the one goal Taylor needed to be fulfilled, was. We can now separate him from Jacob Black. Here’s the moment where we knew his career would be OK: In one scene early in the movie, Lily’s character is coming over to work on a school project, so Taylor runs through his room searching for a T-shirt that looks sexy but is also clean. Maybe it’s because I was in a press screening, but when he whipped off the tee, there was no reaction. At Twilight screenings, the theater erupts in shrieks and applause at even the hint of Jacob pulling off his shirt; the movies’ screenwriters play into that by having Taylor stand around shirtless and smirking. The fact that we were able to not gawk and cheer at Taylor’s abs gives him the necessary room to show us what else he’s got to offer. You have to wonder if anyone’s given him that opportunity before. Also, he and Lily have pretty great chemistry; there’s a makeout scene that I was sure was gonna transition to some PG-13 version of sex. Jacob may never get laid, but Taylor will make it as a romantic hero. I just hope he grows out of his face a little. Whenever I look at him, I can’t help but still see his llama lookalike:
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| Is Kelly Clarkson Seriously Blasting The Press In Her New Video? Posted: 23 Sep 2011 10:31 AM PDT A preview for the video for Kelly Clarkson‘s new single Mr. Know It All hit the Internet today, and it appears to be at least partly about the unfair way Kelly is portrayed by the press. In it, she performs against a backdrop of newspaper headlines which, when the camera zooms in, are revealed to say unflattering things like “The Win Went To Her Head,” “Why So Single Kelly?” and “Sponsors Drop Kelly Clarkson.” “You don’t know a thing about me,” she sings, in a non-parodic echo of MTV Diary‘s cheeky opening line, “you think you know, but you have no idea.” This ire towards the press would be understandable coming from, say, Lindsay Lohan, but I actually can’t think of a single figure in pop music more universally adored by journalists than Kelly Clarkson. Even people who don’t much care for her music can’t help but get a little misty eyed when they think about how perfectly she embodies the aspirational fantasy that is The American Dream. When NPR’s All Songs Considered decided to hold a debate about her, they had trouble finding a single music critic who was willing to say anything negative about her on the air. Personally, I find my ear has trouble differentiating between most Kelly Clarkson songs and any number of homogenous pop tracks I tune out in the grocery store, but musical critique is different from the tabloid-y kind of coverage the video references. (And anyway, I’m in the minority.) I realize the press is an easy target because everyone hates us, but it seems just a tad disingenuous to portray us as the enemy when press coverage of Kelly Clarkson has been as positive as it’s possible for press coverage to be without getting payola involved. I know it’s just a music video, but Ms. Clarkson might do well to reconsider biting the hand that feeds her, for we are a mercurial and pissy people. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Ladies Be Filmin’: NBC’s Prime Suspect Posted: 23 Sep 2011 10:16 AM PDT The fall TV season is underway and, despite the ever-lower numbers of women in the writers' rooms, it's being hailed as the year of the women: 17 out of the 25 new scripted shows on the Big Five networks are female-centered and many were created by women. In this series, comedian Leila Cohan-Miccio watches the new female-centered shows and evaluates how realistic their portrayals of women actually are. Up now: Prime Suspect
As Detective Jane Timoney on Prime Suspect, Maria Bello is essentially a female Jimmy McNulty (of The Wire, duh): natural born POlice who’s determined to solve the case, even if it’s not making her any friends. Dogged. Aggressive. Medium unlikeable. She’s the kind of character that, on a lesser show, would result in the lieutenant saying things like “Timoney, you’re really chapping my ass here.” But Prime Suspect is not a lesser show. Prime Suspect is awesome. Based on the British series of the same name, which starred Helen Mirren, aired in the 1990s, and which I have never seen because I am an uncultured wretch of a person, Prime Suspect follows Detective Timoney as she solves cases and tries to get respect from her fellow detectives. This is hard, because they’re super-sexist, alleging that Jane only got her job because she slept with Costello (presumably some sort of Big Boss), taking her cases, and generally refusing to fall in line. Series creator Alexandra Cunningham has indicated that the show is going to tone down some of the sexism Jane faces in future episodes, which is probably for the best – by the end, it gets a little cartoonish, with one character just straight-up calling her a bitch. But I hope Prime Suspect doesn’t get rid of the vibe where it’s ambiguous whether the detectives are giving her trouble because she’s a woman or because she’s new (and being a woman is the easiest thing to give her crap about). That weird limbo where you can’t actually tell whether someone’s being sexist to you is something that, as a woman working in a male-dominated industry, I found tremendously relatable. When the detective who called Timoney a bitch tells her “By the time you’re done, you’ll end up thinking I’m your favorite, because at least I’m honest about it,” I actually sighed in understanding. Prime Suspect is a pleasure to watch. The police station feels like a real world, complete with inside jokes, the crime solving is satisfying, if not thrilling, and Timoney’s relationship with her boyfriend feels pleasantly natural. Going into the new season, Charlie’s Angels was the most buzzed-about remake, but after these premieres, the good money is on Prime Suspect. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Jersey Shore Field Notes: Jionni Is In The Building Posted: 23 Sep 2011 09:58 AM PDT
0:00 – We see our specimen Snooki in the aftermath of her car accident. The cops have arrived quickly because the cops were in the car she hit. 0:30 – The cops give Snooki a breathalyzer test. She passes. (Analysis: Her alcohol level was so high it broke the breathalyzer and reset it to zero.) 1:00 – The cops drag Snooki into their van. She reads herself her own version of the Miranda Rights, which goes: “This sucks.” 2:00 – The men specimens arrive to fine the Fiat is being towed. 3:00 – The men journey to the police station and retrieve the girls. Snooki will not have to stay in jail, although her license has been taken away. (Her Lisa Frank fan club license – that’s the most official document she owns.) 4:00 – Snooki calls her mate Jionni. He’s coming to Italy. JWOWW’s mate Roger, however, cant get off work, which is what he calls going to the gym and yelling at other people. 6:00 – JWOWW calls Roger on the telephone and cries a lot. She says, “that sucks,” which means he is currently being arrested. 7:00 – JWOWW is sad. The girls decide that the solution to her problem is to have some drinks. Snooki stays home because she’s still “shaken up” from the accident. (Diagnosis: delerium tremens?) 8:00 – The girls arrive at a club and they do shots. 9:00 – The boys go to a club. It’s called “Space Electronic,” which is Italian for “Cool English Words.” 9:30 – Snooki’s home alone. The doorbell rings. It’s Brittany, one of The Situation’s twins from days past. 10:00 – Brittany appears to be drunk, but not so drunk that she’d cause a breathalyzer to read “zero.” Snooki’s plan is to stick her in The Situations’s bed so as to create an awkward encounter when he arrives home with another girl. 13:00 – The boys return with women in tow. Mike has wrangled a pretty Australian lass. 13:30 – Brittany pops out of The Situation’s bed. The Australian lass is confused. Brittany takes off her shirt. Mike sends the Australian girl home and copulates with Brittany. 14:00 – Jionni is on an airplane to Florence, hovering somewhere between Newark and Space Electronic. Snooki attempts to put together the perfect outfit. (Translation: The outfit involving the least amount of outfit.) 17:00 – Jionni arrives. Snooki cries. 18:00 – Snooki want to have sex immediately. Jionni wants to shower. 20:00 – They copulate. 21:00 – Snooki comes out in a slinky dress. Jionni tells her to change. Vinny and Jionni high-five, which is man communication meaning, “And now tell me your thoughts on Kant’s moral imperative.” 22:00 – The specimens arrive at another club. 23:00 – Jionni whispers in Snooki’s ear and says he’s never loved something so much in his entire life. 23:30 – “She responds, “I fucking love you.” (Analysis: That is a Miranda Wrong.) 24:00 – The Situation thinks he and Jionni “have beef” (non-kosher). The Situation also thinks that he is a kung fu master because he can lift his leg high enough to kick things. 25:00 – The specimens go to another club called Twenty One, which is the age in Italy you have to be to understand what makes a shitty club name. 26:00 – Snooki is very drunk. (0.000001 on the breathalyzer.) She dances on the bar and lifts her dress up completely. 26:30 – Jionni expresses the emotion of anger. He says, “You’re dancing like a fucking whore” and storms out. 27:00 – Snooki chases after him. She falls down and the other specimens come running. 28:00 – Snooki flips out and shrieks and whines and yells at everyone. (Analysis: She has the social skills of a four-year-old. A four-year-old chimpanzee.) 31:00 – Ronnie chases Jionni down and tries to calm him. Jionni talks about how embarrassed he felt and storms off again. (Theory: If Ronnie is the rational one in a situation, that situation will immediately combust.) 32:00 – JWOWW chases Jionni down. She can’t walk in her shoes but she takes them off before she falls down because she is a lady. 33:00 – Snooki is crying and blathering. JWOWW offers to nurse her from her breasts. 33:30 – Jionni sits on the curb with his head down, looking deep. (Question: Rebel Without a Cause sequel in the works?) 36:00 – Jionni comes back. Snooki runs down to meet him and then chases after him. He hides in the bathroom. She follows him in. (Diagnosis: Snooki has not yet reached the stage in her development where she has learned that bathroom time means alone time.) 37:00 – Jionni says he’s breaking up with Snooki because he doesn’t need a girl who lifts up her skirt, and he already has a pet chimpanzee. 39:00 – Jionni takes his things and gets in a cab. End credits: Rebel Without a Cause, Part 2. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Am I Right Ladies? A Bündchen of BS Posted: 23 Sep 2011 09:44 AM PDT
Look, I know Gisele didn't write the copy. She certainly didn't art direct these spots, nor was she likely responsible for the shot composition. But no one held a gun to her head while the cameras were rolling—and probably not before or after either. Girls, I know you're tempted to say, "I saw City of God, so I know that kind of violence happens in Brazil all the time," but resist the urge—let's expand our horizons, ladies, not our waistlines. I'm pretty confident she signed up for this on her own free will. And I'm not confident about anything, amirightladies? I wish I weren't. Allow me to present Exhibit A: It's like, why do women even bother getting dressed, amirightladies? Stay in your underwear at all times, and the world is your oyster. Of course, it helps to have a body more like Gisele's and less like a beached whale. Either way, to be safe just be nearly naked at all times. But seriously, ladies, we always be crashing cars, amiright? I think I just crashed a car right now. Wait, what's a car? Allow me to present Exhibit B: I totally forgot to mention these are actually lessons. The makers of Hope Lingerie were kind enough to spell the nudity rule out for us in the simplest of terms. After all, if we don't know how to drive properly and don't comprehend the basic concept of a credit line, then how the heck are we supposed to infer the meaning of a commercial? Thank goodness they kept the spots to 15 seconds; anything longer than 20 and I'm already thinking about my hair and huffing nail polish. Life is distracting, amirightladies? So women are bad with money, bad with automobiles, but great with taking their clothes off. Gisele didn't invent this wheel, she's just riding it all the way to the bank. So can we really hold her accountable? I say yes. She's the one speaking the words, so she must believe in them—that's how advertisements work, right? Ugh, I shouldn't have huffed so much Pirates of the Caribbean Planks A Lot OPI nail polish. I think I'm definitely dying alone. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Proof That Courtney Stodden Got Plastic Surgery: At 15 She Actually Looked Normal Posted: 23 Sep 2011 11:11 AM PDT
That’s her Miss Washington pageant photo; note the open eyes, normal smile, and even some baby fat in her cheeks. Sure, she’s got enough makeup and hairspray to make her presentable, but she still looks like a kid playing dress-up. (We’re actually getting a young Christina Applegate vibe here.) Compare that to the Courtney we met when she married Doug Hutchison: Raccoon eyes that can’t stay open, thin lips curled in a weird smirk, and trashy clothing. This girl astounds and depresses us: For instance, she just told reporters that she “was aroused for 24 hours straight” during her wedding night to Doug. (Gag.) It’s this mix of TMI and unbridled sexuality that makes her today’s Style Icon at our sister site TheGloss. A few months ago we tracked down Courtney’s glamour photos; at least in the first one, when she’s dressed in her Miss Ocean Shores getup, she still looks normal. It’s horrible how much she now resembles a Barbie doll, instead of a kid who only a few years ago was playing with dolls. Really, the photo below — and yes, we were mean and chose a candid shot — also does a number on her “inner beauty.” What we mean is, in the Miss Washington pic she still seemed bright-eyed and optimistic about life; now, at the age of 17 (if we can believe that), she looks worn out and used up.
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Abduction is Taylor Lautner‘s first big movie separate from Twilight; even though they’re still filming Breaking Dawn, Part 2, we’ll call it his first post-Twilight project. There were definitely some worries that Taylor, despite being overshadowed by Robert Pattinson in the series, will always be known to the kids as Jacob Black. And while Abduction is pretty awful, it’s clear that Taylor won’t get pigeonholed as a surly werewolf.
(By an anthropologist)
I always try to remind myself: Don't blame the models, blame the advertisers. And even if this particular model stole Tom Brady away from his very pregnant girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, advertising probably had something to do with it, and we mustn't blame her. I practice this mantra in therapy weekly, and I really think it's starting to strengthen my body image perception and curb my emotional eating when watching television. But even my suspension of disbelief stops at Gisele Bündchen's latest Brazilian lingerie ads. And I can suspend my disbelief to the point of thinking I won't die alone. I mean seriously, my suspended disbelief is bigger than my waist size, amirightladies?
There’s more than one thing that’s off about Courtney Stodden: The garish makeup, the sexual tweets, and what must be surgically enhanced breasts and face. And now we have proof of at least the latter: 
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