Cele|bitchy

Is this really Scarlett Johansson’s body on the new Cosmo cover?
Kris Jenner could be on Dancing With The Stars next (Update: 14 yo Kylie’s date)
Duchess Kate & Camilla Parker-Bowles are BFFs, Camilla is “controlling” Kate
Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann at the Gotham Awards: David Bowie-esque?
Kim Kardashian: “I feel like maybe I’m not supposed to have kids and all that”
Celebrity stylists tell all to Star Mag: Kristen Stewart has “grubby nails & a bad attitude”
Hugh Jackman’s wife Deborra-Lee talks about her weight & his heterosexuality
Lady Gaga covers Vanity Fair (again): “I have never felt truly cherished by a lover”
Courtney Stodden walks her boobs to church
Guy Ritchie on being married to Madonna: “I stepped into a soap opera”

Is this really Scarlett Johansson’s body on the new Cosmo cover?

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 08:47 AM PST

Much like Lady Gaga, I often feel like Scarlett Johansson over-saturates the market whenever she has a new project. Scar is appearing (in a supporting role) in the new Cameron Crowe film, We Bought a Zoo. It doesn't look like any kind of ground-breaking, award-potential film, and Scarlett's performance looks pretty basic-to-horrible, judging solely from the trailer. So how is a supporting role in a non-blockbuster, not-acclaimed film somehow allowing Scarlett to take the covers of Vanity Fair, Interview and now Cosmopolitan, all within a few months? I don't know. I don't think Scarlett is that important, honestly. I don't hate the girl, I just don't think she's all that talented or worth all of this fuss.

Anyway, Cosmo just released their cover of Scarlett, although this is a really weird image that I would not have selected for a cover. That's not her body, correct? They, like, stuck Scarlett's head on Minka Kelly's body, I think. The dress is bad, the hair isn't great, and the whole endeavor looks like a successful Photoshop project. Cosmo also released a quote from their cover interview:

"I'm attracted to the quality of being adventurous and perhaps a bit mischievous and also questioning authority and being proactive. If that makes up a quintessential bad boy, then whatever. I'm not at all attracted to meanness or bullying, but I do think conviction is attractive. I mean, really, who doesn't?" – Scarlett Johansson in the January issue of Cosmo

[From Cosmo]

Scarlett is just describing Sean Penn, correct? Do you think she's still hung up on Penn's jock? I think she might be. One of the blind items that I've always believed was Scarlett was that one about a young actress who thought boning Oscar winners would make her more talented and award-worthy. Allegedly, Scarlett is currently boning Joseph Gordon Levitt, but I don't know if it's serious or anything. If she's serious about boning Oscar winners, I'd like to see her with Adrien Brody next. They would make an interesting pair.

Cover courtesy of Cosmo, additional photos courtesy of Fame.

Kris Jenner could be on Dancing With The Stars next (Update: 14 yo Kylie’s date)

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 08:36 AM PST

For as much as we all despise the stupid, annoying, superficial, ubiquitous, famewhore, lying (I could go on) Kardashians, they’re not freaking going away. All the Internet petitions and negative comments in the world aren’t going to make them disappear when they’re still scoring huge ratings for their reality shows on E! It’s all about the numbers.

A lesser-known and more likable Kardashian, Rob, earned second place on this season’s Dancing with The Stars, and now the head pimp mama matriarch, the one responsible for this mess, Kris Jenner, could be on the show next. Rob Shuter of HuffPo reports that the show is courting Kris, because the Kardashians generate so much buzz. Just like a fly in the house that bothers you all day, evading all attempts to kill it.

Now that the latest season of “Dancing with the Stars” has ended, producers are already busy trying to find celebrities to go pointed-toe-to-toe next season. And this time they’ve got their eye on the mother of all Kardashians — Kris Jenner.

“They have already had Kim and brother Rob Kardashian on the show and now they are hoping to get mamma Kris to swing her hips,” an insider told me. “Love them or hate them, the Kardashians bring a huge amount of media and buzz to anything they do and having Kris join the next show would be a smart and controversial move, which is exactly what this show loves to do.”

In the past, “Dancing” hasn’t shied away from casting divisive competitors — Kate Gosselin, Bristol Palin and Chaz Bono, to name a few. Producers have done so with the knowledge that, when it comes to ratings, hate trumps indifference every time.

“They have already asked Robin Quivers from the ‘Howard Stern Show’ to join next season, but she has turned them down for a fourth time, saying she doesn’t want to take that much time away from Howard,” a source close to Stern’s show told me. “So expect Kris to get her offer in the next few weeks.”

[From Huffington Post]

Well DWTS took this same tactic with Kate Gosselin and ended up with record ratings while Kate came across like the uncoordinated witch that she is. So as much as I hate to admit it, this could be a win-win. Kris might come off badly while DWTS doesn’t care as long as they get ratings. We keep waiting for the final nail with the family and it just never comes. Maybe because they have so many damn people. I think Kris had six kids knowing that she would make them into money-makers some day. It happened for her, and she created some daughters in her own truly awful mold. The fact that some of them seemed to turn out more tolerable just points to the fact that she probably wasn’t an involved parent.

Update: I just saw this story where Kris’ youngest daughter, 14 year-old Kylie, went on a date with an Australian pop singer named Cody Simpson and got photographed by the paparazzi. Kris is now pimping out her 14 year-old daughter’s first dating experiences. There are no words, or maybe there are just too many of them that flood my mind in an angry blur.

These event photos are from 10/22/11 (with DWTS professional Mark Ballas) and 8/17/11. Credit: PRPhotos. Photo above of Kylie credit: David Tonnessen/Pacific Coast News

Duchess Kate & Camilla Parker-Bowles are BFFs, Camilla is “controlling” Kate

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 07:22 AM PST

During Duchess Kate and Prince William's engagement, the British and American tabloids reported several stories about Kate possibly fighting with Camilla Parker Bowles, otherwise known as Camilla, HRH The Duchess of Cornwall. The tabloids had Camilla attempting to talk Kate into cheaping out on her wedding, and Camilla offering unsolicited "advice" to her new step-daughter-in-law. Camilla later told reporters that Kate "is a lovely girl" and in my mind, I tend to think Camilla and Kate are cut from the same cloth – they have more similarities than differences overall. The Mail has an interesting story today about just how well Camilla and Kate really are getting on – apparently, Camilla is the one who has "taken Kate under her wing." For real.

Of all the Royal Family's hopes and expectations when Kate Middleton married Prince William, no one could have anticipated it would transform the former Mrs Camilla Parker Bowles. Thanks to Kate, the Duchess of Cornwall's stock has never been higher within the palace walls, especially with the Queen — who once looked upon Prince Charles's former mistress as a potential threat to the stability of the monarchy.

The reason for this heartening approval is that Camilla, 64, has taken the Duchess of Cambridge firmly under her wing. Camilla has claimed the crucial role of making sure Kate that feels 'at home' as a royal. It was always clear that Kate would need help to see her through the difficult early years of life in the royal goldfish bowl — something no one gave Princess Diana, with tragic results.

William couldn't really help very much. Indeed, he is viewed as lamentably inadequate in this area. 'He's not always the easiest of people, entirely understandably, given how old he was when Diana died,' says a close family friend. 'At the best of times, the royal men just don't have much sensitivity when it comes to helping ease new members into the royal life. They're not unkind — they just don't think.'

Enter the Duchess of Cornwall, a woman who has lived more than a little. She is 'in regular touch' with Kate and has become her sounding board on practically everything: from how to deal with other, more prickly members of the family such as Princess Anne, to coping with photographers. She told Kate that one trick is to focus on the faces of one or two cameramen she recognizes in order to help her look more relaxed.

Camilla, of course, had a private, ringside view of the totally avoidable tragedy of Diana's unhappiness. So for Diana's friends, at least, it is a bitter irony that the fabled 'third person' in the Princess's marriage should apparently be setting out to make herself indispensable to the popular young woman who would have been Diana's daughter-in-law. They see it — unfairly, perhaps — as the strategic move to take control of an older and more experienced woman from a family that has been close to the royals for generations.

But Camilla's expanding sphere of influence is something that seems to have started to take shape before William and Kate's marriage in April. Many believe that her influence was stamped on the guest list, which excluded long- standing friends of Diana who had known William since he was a child, such as Rosa Monckton and Lady Annabel Goldsmith. Several weeks before the ceremony, Camilla and her daughter, Laura, enjoyed a girlie lunch with Kate and her sister Pippa at Koffman's, the Berkeley hotel restaurant in London's Knightsbridge.

One word in particular reached the ears of fellow diners during their animated conversation — 'advice'. On the day of the wedding, Camilla arranged for Kate to have her nails done by her own favourite manicurist, Marina Sandoval, from the Jo Hansford hair salon in Mayfair. She also gave Kate a highly personal wedding gift — a gold charm-style bracelet with a small disc engraved with hers and Catherine's cyphers. Each is a large 'C' under a coronet, though Camilla's is surrounded by a circle. What makes the gift so significant? Camilla has a similar bracelet of her own that she rarely takes off.

'Camilla's exceptional warmth has really touched Catherine,' says one of Kate's friends.

The other area about which she has been talking to Camilla is which charities to support.
One idea is for Kate to help a specific charity intensively for a limited time of one or two years during special appeals. This could be more beneficial than if she spread herself thinly over dozens of good causes. Obviously, she is in high demand. These charities include those helping young people and military veterans as well as those in areas such as conservation and art therapy. But perhaps Camilla's greatest help so far in smoothing Kate's path as a fledgling royal is the change she has brought about in Prince Charles.

Though he adores Kate, he is the one figure who has found it difficult to adjust to her arrival in the Royal Family, mainly because of all the uncomfortable memories thrown up by constant comparisons between her and Diana.

'At one stage he was almost tearing his hair out at the endless references to Diana and what she was like, because it always led to talk of his own shortcomings,' says an aide. 'It went on for months, and he has only recently calmed down.'

It was Camilla who soothed him, in the same reassuring way that she has been handling Charles's glooms and fretfulness for 30 years. But now comes a new challenge. After the Queen's Diamond Jubilee next year, the Prince of Wales will have to put up with Kate becoming chatelaine of Kensington Palace, the place everyone associates with Diana and her unhappy marriage — and with the powerful memory of the lake of flowers created by a mourning public after her death.

Earlier this month, it was announced that William and Kate would be moving into the late Princess Margaret's old apartment there in 2013. Prince Harry is also due to move there, taking over the cottage that William and Kate currently use as their London base. Camilla is likely to be the key influence on young housewife Kate. Setting up home in this vast apartment of 21 rooms on four floors will need the guidance and advice of a woman with experience of that very different life as a royal. Camilla has already warned Kate that at Kensington Palace she and William will require a minimum staff of a butler, a housekeeper, a ladies' dresser, a valet, a cook, chauffeur and several other workers.

Unlike Diana, an Earl's daughter who had grown up with servants, Kate is still uncomfortable having staff pirouetting around her. But she knows that, on moving into Kensington Palace, she will have to accept the inevitable. Camilla has also advised her that a personal dresser is vital if she is to perform the royal role the public expect of her.

As for choosing the staff, the Duchess of Cornwall — mature, knowledgeable, reassuring, and the chatelaine these past six years of Clarence House, Highgrove and Birkhall — will be there to help. If ever the former Mrs Camilla Parker Bowles dreamed of playing a crucial role at the centre of the Royal Family, this is it.

[From The Mail]

It is interesting, isn't it? It didn't even occur to me that Prince Charles would worry about his daughter-in-law overshadowing him. I thought it was just William who worried about Kate that way – when are royal men going to realize that it's not so much about them? People are more interested in princesses because of clothes and the styling. It really is that simple. Anyway, I'm uncomfortable with the way that Camilla is systematically shutting out Diana's friends and Diana's memory. One of the best things about Diana was that she challenged the status quo of royalty, but it seems like Kate and Camilla have no interest in doing anything to rock the boat.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann at the Gotham Awards: David Bowie-esque?

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 06:51 AM PST

Last night, the Gotham Awards were held in NYC (obviously). Now, the Gothams aren't really a harbinger for any larger awards, but they do signal what smaller films might be getting more attention throughout the awards season. Tree of Life tied for Best Picture with Beginners – that film where Ewan McGregor and Melanie Laurent had their affair/relationship. Beginners was also given an ensemble award, and Felicity Jones won the Breakthrough Award for Like Crazy. Career tributes were given to Charlize Theron, Gary Oldman and director David Cronenberg. For more about the awards, go here. Right now, I just want to cover the fashion. Let's start with Tilda Swinton, shall we? Tilda wore her favorite designer, Haider Ackermann and Tilda poofed up her hair for the occasion. I kind of love the whole look – it's feels like David Bowie, right?

Here's Charlize Theron in Gucci. I like the outfit, but I think the headband and the bitchface are overdone. In every photo of Charlize, she looked like she was ready to shank someone.

Look at Judy Greer! I love Judy Greer, even though she's on Two & a Half Men now. She's a great comic actress, and I've never really seen her be so va-va-voom. Hate the hair color, though. She looks better with lighter hair.

Elizabeth Olsen in Valentino. I think the dress is too "old" for such a young woman.

Felicity Jones in Proenza Schouler Spring 2012. Too summery for a late November awards show, and the dress itself looks so dated and 1980s. She's got a beautiful face, though.

Gary Oldman and his wife, just because I know you bitches love some Oldman.

Zachary Quinto, just because I know you bitches love some Quinto.

And finally, Jennifer Carpenter in God knows. I don't like the dress on her, but I love her.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kim Kardashian: “I feel like maybe I’m not supposed to have kids and all that”

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 06:20 AM PST

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian cover the January issue of Glamour Magazine – these are some shots from the cover shoot. They made Kim look less cat-like and they made Khloe look like a shaved wildebeest. And I'm not saying that to be harsh to Khloe – she's my favorite, after all – but stylists should know by now that Khloe needs to be styled in a completely different way than her sisters. Anyway, the interview excerpts are predictably absurd. Kim dominates the conversation, playing the hyper-drama queen/victim:

Kim Kardashian: …I think I'll always be a hopeless romantic.
Glamour: What do you mean by that?
Kim Kardashian: It means that I believe in love and the dream of having a perfect relationship, but my idea of it has changed. I think I need to not live in a fairy tale like that. I think I maybe need to just snap out of it and be a little more realistic.
Khloé Kardashian: I love Kim's belief in love and the fact that she feels so strongly about it. She has that dream every girl has.
Kim Kardashian: Well, I don't think I have it right now.
Khloé Kardashian: Which is fine, but I'm your sister and I know why you don't have it right now. But I know you will get it again.
Kim Kardashian: I hope I do. But by then I hope maybe I'm a little bit more realistic.

Glamour: Realistic about what?
Kim Kardashian: The fact that what I want isn't possible.
Khloé Kardashian: What, a guy on a white horse coming to get you? That doesn't happen!
Kim Kardashian: I don't know. I always wanted what Mom and Dad had. And at first I was like, I want six kids. Then I went down to four, then I was down to three…and now I'm like, maybe I won't have any. Maybe I'll just be a good aunt.
Khloé Kardashian: But Mom and Dad got a divorce, and she met Bruce. And you were a child; you don't know what Mom and Dad had. As an outsider looking in, it probably looked like paradise.
Kim Kardashian: At this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to have kids and all that.
Khloé Kardashian: Oh my God. Don't be dramatic all of a sudden!
Kim Kardashian: That's how I feel. Maybe my fairy tale has a different ending than I dreamed it would. But that's OK.

[From Glamour via Hollywood Gossip]

Jesus, Kim acts like she was married for a decade to the world's most eligible man and it all fell apart and people are just DEVASTATED. When really she is just the architect of her own relationship failures and she prioritizes fame and money above romance and love. Also – I love how pragmatic Khloe is. She's still my favorite.

Page Six also points out that Kim's marriage/divorce drama has boosted the ratings for Kourtney and Kim Take New York – the show "drew 3.2 million viewers in its second-season debut Sunday, up 6 percent from the first-season premiere." Sources tells Page Six that Kim "can't bear watching the footage of her and Kris fighting… It is very hard for her to watch. It forces her to relive what went wrong in her marriage." Kim and Kris Humphries are still not talking – "They are only communicating through lawyers. They won't become friends, but they are not enemies." And Kris Humphries believes the show has been edited to make him look like a monster – "It is completely staged. He went from being sweet and playful to verbally abusive and mean-spirited. It is no coincidence that Kris Jenner is an executive producer. They are doing this to save Kim's career." An E! rep told Page Six: "Completely false."

Glamour photos courtesy of Celebrity-Gossip.net.

Celebrity stylists tell all to Star Mag: Kristen Stewart has “grubby nails & a bad attitude”

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 06:19 AM PST

I somehow missed last week's Star Magazine cover story, and I apologize for that, because it is HILARIOUS. It's all about "Celebrity Stylists Tell All" and those stylists – all totally anonymous, of course – are massive bitches. They want to take everybody down, but I just wanted to excerpt my favorite pieces:

Kristen Stewart: "She has grubby nails, ratty sneakers and a bad attitude. Very few people want to work with her because she doesn't want to look good." (via The Mail)

Angelina Jolie: Despite a buxom bustline, Angelina is flat in the back. "She wears butt pads to give her skinny figure some curves, but they show if she wears silk," says an insider. "Some companies don't even lend her clothes for events anymore."

Brad Pitt: "His nickname on the set of Troy was 'Arm Pitt,' he stank so bad," says a source, who also reveals that Brad's "messy" new look is the result of hours of styling.

Whitney Houston: The 48-year-old diva "must wear a bra at all times," according to a source. "It's because her breast implants are like two pencil erasers that point in two different directions."

Robert Pattinson: He "has fungus feet!" says an insider. “His toenails are all curled up and yellow."

Jeremy Piven: The five-foot-nine star wears three-inch lifts! "He can normally hide them, but everyone noticed them when he had to take his shoes off at the Soho Beach House spa in Miami Beach," says a source.

Lindsay Lohan: A stylist tells Star, "It's a running joke between us that if it isn't nailed down, she will take it. I've seen her take everything from hair products to fur coats."

Jennifer Aniston: Aniston is all about the hair! "She throws a fit when she thinks certain people mess up her hair," a stylist tells Star. To make matters worse, Aniston refuses to blow-dry her own hair, says the source. "It's bizarre and obsessive. She'll call her hairstylist at all hours just to blow it." And she recently demanded a cut at 4 a.m.! Adds the source, "It was like a midlife crisis at four in the morning."

The rest are either budget celebrities that no one cares about, or celebrities that just have deodorant and/or shapewear issues, which… seems pretty normal, I think. Now I can't stop thinking about Angelina Jolie's ass of lies (NOOO!) and Robert Pattinson's sparkly fungus feet and The Piv's three-inch high heels. Thank you, bitchy, anonymous stylists. This was a good one.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Hugh Jackman’s wife Deborra-Lee talks about her weight & his heterosexuality

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 06:14 AM PST

CB is more into Hugh Jackman than I ever was. Don't get me wrong – I like Hugh. He seems like a lovely man, and God knows I love an old-Hollywood throw-back, an old-fashioned song-and-dance man, a true entertainer, which is exactly what Hugh is. But I've never really gotten hot for him, you know? He's pretty to look at, but my biscuits are all "Meh." As for the gay rumors – I don't even know. I'm sure half of you will be yelling at me and telling me that OF COURSE HE HAS A BOYFRIEND because a friend of a friend told you, but… I put more stock in rumors about several other Hollywood dudes before I believe it about Hugh. This may seem weird, but I think the fact that he's Australian makes me doubt the gay rumors more – not to make a massive generalization about one nationality, but Aussie men just seem to approach relationships and women and family life differently than American men, and I think that difference accounts for how we Americans view his 15-year-marriage to an older woman.

Anyway, Hugh's wife of 15 years, Deborra-Lee Furness, has spoken to Page Six Magazine, and she gives somewhat of a denial of Hugh's gay rumors, and she talks about the criticisms of her weight. CB pointed out that Deb has addressed the gay rumors before directly – see her old interview from 2008. Here's what she said to Page Six:

It's not easy being Hugh Jackman's other half. His wife of 15 years, Deborra-Lee Furness, said she's "been almost pummeled" by crazed fans or "Hughophiles" who try to get to him.

"Literally, they will push you out of the way," she tells Page Six Magazine, out on Thursday. "Hi, I'm chopped liver. How do you do?"

The sassy blonde brushed off critics of her marriage to the younger star currently on Broadway. She said, "Hugh is much more mature than me, so we balance each other out. And heaven forbid I have a human experience and carry a little weight."

Responding to speculation about his sexuality, she said, "The line I heard was, 'Wolverine? Who would have thought?' Hugh and I don't pay much heed. It's kind of tragic that these people have nothing better to do than gossip about people they don't know."

[From Page Six]

Deborra-Lee didn't really offer a direct denial, did she? But should she have to? Whatever Hugh and Deb have, it seems to be working for them. She seems like a normal woman, the kind of woman you would meet and befriend, and I imagine that their marriage grounds Hugh a great deal. Is it really so weird to think that Hugh might love his wife and family?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Lady Gaga covers Vanity Fair (again): “I have never felt truly cherished by a lover”

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 05:47 AM PST

Ugh, I'm so sick of Lady Gaga being on magazine covers. Some of her photo shoots can be quite interesting, but she's over-saturated the market with too many cover interviews – she doesn't have anything new to say, and it's especially rough because Gaga was just on the cover of Vanity Fair a little more than a year ago – and in that time, she's appeared on multiple covers of Harper's Bazaar, Rolling Stone, Vogue, etc. It's too much. Oh, and Gaga isn't just on the cover of the January Vanity Fair – she's also on the cover of Elle UK. I've included some Elle images at the bottom of the post. Anyhoodle, here are some excerpts from Gaga's latest VF interview:

Lady Gaga gets candid with Vanity Fair about her history with relationships: "I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man," the singer tells contributing editor Lisa Robinson. "I say this honestly, and this is my new thing as of the past year: when I fight with someone I'm in a relationship with, I think, What would my fans think if they knew this was happening? How would they feel about my work and about me as a female if they knew I was allowing this to go on? And then I get out."

Will her rumored romance with Vampire Diaries actor Taylor Kinney be a departure from this disappointing history? "I have this effect on people where it starts out good. Then, when I'm in these relationships with people who are also creative, or creative in their own way, what happens is the attraction is initially there and it's all unicorns and rainbows. And then they hate me."

But her creativity is the one thing she says she will not compromise on, no matter the cost to her romantic life. "Perhaps it's a whose-dick-is-bigger contest. If I go to the piano and write a quick song and play it back, they are angry with how fast and effortless it is. That's who I am, and I don't apologize for it. But it's a hideous place to be in when someone that you love has convinced you that you will never be good enough for anyone. I had a man say to me, 'You will die alone in a house bigger than you know, with all your money and hit records, and you will die alone.'"

In these dark moments, Gaga tells Robinson, she has found meaning in her work: "Even though I know it sounds a bit Hallmark, whenever I [was] in that kind of stressful, worthless moment, I would think, I'll show you.'" Gaga continues, "I think what it really is, is that I date creative people. And I think that what intimidates them is not my purse; it's my mind."

Gaga says the weird thing is, after she's left a few people, they've asked her to marry them. "How f–kin' romantic, you a–hole. Sure, pop a ring on my finger and make it all better. I can buy myself a f–kin' ring."

Robinson spends time on the set of Lady Gaga's most raw and personal video to date, "Marry the Night." It is "autobiographical," according to Gaga, and required the grueling task of "getting ready to relive the worst day of my life." She has never talked about it before. Prior to filming a hospital scene in which Gaga, appearing bruised and drugged up, is wheeled on a gurney into a women's clinic, she asks Robinson and a few others in her trailer how far she should go with the re-enactment; she decides to commit to it fully.
"It's chaotic and sad. But I don't want it to be safe," she says.

[From Vanity Fair]

Do you think Gaga's lovers are truly "angry with how fast and effortless it is" for her to write her music? Maybe they're angry about how her music and her shtick is going downhill fast? Maybe they're angry with how she's jumped the shark? Maybe they're angry with her Gwyneth-style humble-bragging? "I'm so very talented, that's why all my lovers leave me!" No, it's because you're a narcissistic monster.

There are some other quotes floating around from Gaga, and I don't know if they originated in VF or Elle UK or they're just part of some other interview. Gaga talks about what a man needs to get in her the sack: "It ranges from a really big d-ck to a degree at Harvard. Talent and perseverance and pushing the boundaries of love and acceptance.” She also says she's not ready to be domesticated: “I’m not ready to buy a house. It feels like marriage or something. It’s such a commitment, I don’t like it. I do love being with my parents but I also just really fear domestication. I just don’t have a home, I am 25 and buying a house feels a little weird. I actually sleep at my best friend Bo’s apartment a lot. She kicks her boyfriend on to the couch and it’s really funny. We stay up and watch movies.” Blah. I told you – the well is dry. She really doesn't have anything new to say at this point.

Photos courtesy of Vanity Fair & Elle UK, via The Fashion Spot.

Courtney Stodden walks her boobs to church

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 05:46 AM PST

This is 17 year-old wonder, Courtney Stodden, going to church with her 51 year-old husband. Her fake boobs are spilling out of her tight, very short dress and she’s wearing silver platform stripper heels. In Courtney’s world this is a totally appropriate outfit to go and worship alongside families and children. At least the pew in front of her will block the view up her skirt. You see that nasty frizzy-haired creature behind her sucking a frappe and making a duck face? That’s her mother, Krista Keller, who is almost single-handedly responsible for both marrying Courtney off to a man older than her own husband, for signing off on Courtney’s obvious surgeries, and for foisting this girl on the public. I reserve most of my ire for this woman.

Here’s a little about Courtney and Doug’s very well photographed outing:

Courtney Stodden ended her holiday weekend Sunday with some quality family time spent at church and the mall.

The aspiring model and actress, 17, was spotted wearing a little black dress and gold platform high heels as she went to a Los Angeles area church with her husband, Doug Hutchison, 51, and mother, Krista Keller.

After the service, the family headed over to do some shopping at The Grove, where it looks like Stodden might have gotten a start on her Christmas purchases — including picking up a little something from Victoria’s Secret.

[From Huffington Post]

Of course Courtney’s Twitter account is still filled with cringe inducing tweets that are alternately disgusting and hilarious. She’s in the holiday spirit and is even trying to word-seduce Santy Claws! “Mr Santa Claus? If I let you seductively slide down my stocking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?” Forget her 51 year-old husband, this 17 year-old wants to bag a 550 year-old philanthropist legend. Her mom or ~~dad~~ husband is probably writing these tweets, which makes them all the more despicable.

Have you seen “The Soup’s” parody of this girl? It concludes with “I’m going to be as provocative as my juvenile mind and ridiculously adult body can be until me and the sucker I married have a reality show. Then one night he’ll have a heart attack and die and all that money will be mine in time to make it to my Freshman year at college.” I think The Soup was accurate until they added the college part.

Photo credit: David Tonnessen/Pacific Coast News

Guy Ritchie on being married to Madonna: “I stepped into a soap opera”

Posted: 29 Nov 2011 05:40 AM PST

Director Guy Ritchie has headed out on the promotional trail for his upcoming project, Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, which promises Robert Downey Jr. in drag to the hilt, so to speak. As such, Guy appears in a Q&A with Details to discuss several things irrelevant to the movie at hand, but that’s alright — let’s just leave that business to RDJ to take care of in a few weeks, shall we? Instead, let’s read about Guy admitting to being a major pothead in his young adulthood. See, there’s hope for Miley “Bob” Cyrus after all! Also, there’s the topic of Guy’s former marriage to Madonna:

On His Past As A Brawler: “I haven’t had an altercation for, I don’t know, 15 years? I did go through a truculent period once. I smoked a lot of weed and drank a lot of booze, and when I tried to give them both up, I thought I’d take up street fighting. I came unstuck on a number of occasions. I was just looking for adrenaline. But if someone said something rude to me now, I’d just accept it. It’s an age thing. Extreme violence is for young men. You look like an arse when you’re rolling around on the street at 43 years old.”

On Being A Martial Artist: “Between the ages of 18 and 22, karate was the only thing that I turned to religiously. It’s where I got discipline from. Being screamed at and realizing that the only thing you have to fight against is how much of a puss you are. Now I do Brazilian jujitsu five days a week. It’s like chess for wrestlers. And also, it’s good for old men, because you don’t get your nose pressed in or your joints snapped.”

On The Life Advice He Gives To His Kids: “I don’t. I’m f%#$ing glad no one gave me too much advice. You’ve got to work it out for yourself. What works for me might not work for anyone else. Because everyone told me that to be good at school was important, but for me it wasn’t. So I am anti-school. And I’m anti people putting so much pressure on kids and robbing their childhood by giving them so much homework. I think if kids want to arse around, then they should.”

On Being Married To Madonna: “I don’t know. By the way, I enjoyed my first marriage. It’s definitely not something I regret. The experience was ultimately very positive. I love the kids that came out of it, and I could see no other route to take. But you move on, don’t you? You’re right, I stepped into a soap opera, and I lived in it for quite a long period of my life. I’ll probably be more eloquent on it 10 years from now. When you end up with a lot of the things you set out to chase and find that you’ve stumbled into all sorts of hollow victories, then you become deeply philosophical. I’m quite happy that that experience was accelerated for me. I’m glad I made money, in other words. And I’m glad I got married.”

[From Details]

While it’s easy to take Guy’s words (re: Madonna) out of context, his full statement on his ex-wife is rather diplomatic, don’t you think? Of course, he probably doesn’t want to muddy the waters since they share custody of Rocco and David, and in some regard, Guy probably respects Madge as well. Well, as much as he can respect the woman who made him get an adult circumcision. His words make sense though, for I can certainly understand how being married to one of the most famous (and notoriously eccentric) pop stars in the world could be a shell-shocking experience and a soap opera as a matter of fact. Hell, I still have trouble believing that they were ever married in the first place.

Photos courtesy of Fame

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